that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger.

doubt. it can be a very evil thing.

when i was hired last school year for my current position at my new school, they already warned me about my class. one of the first things they asked during the interview was about my behavioral strategies and how i dealt with "unruly" kids. i was so sure of my skills as a teacher at that time. after all, i apparently did such a good job that my old school wanted to promote me. and if could handle a class of 20 with little effort, surely a class of 39 middle school angels wouldn't be too difficult.

enter class of '08. the beginning of this school year has been probably the most challenging time i've ever had in my entire life. my class is full of pubescent energy and tween chattyness. when the boys are putting eachother in headlocks in the back of the classroom, girls are passing notes and trying to text on their phones, a small group of students are having an eraser war with one another, a handful of students are reading silently trying to drown out the constant noise of their peers, and yet another small handful are staring at me with their big eyes that seem to say, "get me out of here, please."

are they "bad" students? no. are they malicious? not by any standards. they are simply a class that likes to goof off, and have been allowed to for a long time. word on the street is that they even made a teacher quit in october. some would even say they're driving me down that same road, and i'd be lying if i said that wasn't true.

so right now i am trying to find the delicate balance of being the fun and ecstatic teacher i was last year, to the disciplinarian teacher everyone is saying i should be this year. i used to put my students into groups at least once a day, and have class instruction out in the sun once a week. we'd play all types of learning games, and have very meaningful discussions about real life matters every chance we'd get. so far, i've attemted playing 3 games this year and each time i had to stop it early due to misbehavior. what does work? silent seat work. yuck. there's nothing i hate more than silent seat work...it's boring for the students AND for their teacher! but this is what has had to have been added to our daily routine. so sad...

what's worse is the pressure i feel from others. parents expecting me to change their children into silent & attentive students, older teachers looking at me as the "new teacher who doesn't have her class under control", and students pushing me to my very limits. but the worst pressure is that which comes from myself. i try so hard to come up with new ideas and ways of "controling" their behaviors. my mind is constantly thinking of what i need to do next, how to react to student a, b, and c, and whether or not i'm doing a good job. to be honest, i don't really know if i'm cutting it.

i am faced with a daily struggle of providing a learning environment in which all students can thrive...and my few triumphs come in the small things. i have to always remind myself that God chose me to be here, and i just hope that one day i find out why and that i can prove to Him that He made the right choice. until then, i'm going to have to just keep going.

i ask for prayers, and for the strength and wisdom to teach with love. no matter what the cost.

"Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict - alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives to violence." - Dorothy Thompson

challenge for this week... seek peace.

the end of an era

i've been somewhat cutoff from cyberworld seeing as though my laptop is not functioning properly and david took his from me, but i can't say i'm all that upset because of it. it's nice to get away from the internet once in a while, especially if there are more important things to do...

like finishing harry potter and the deathly hallows. i think i cried at least once during every chapter. i really wanted to read this one slowly, perhaps so as to bide my time seeing as though this is the last book, but i simply could not put it down. what a wonderful piece of literature. as i read through the series, each book had more to offer than the last -- more action, more excitement, more lessons on how to be a courageous, how to be a good friend, how to love. and boy, the intricate connections throughout the entire 7 books...she is a genius. and i want to become a writer. or a witch...

the other thing that's keeping me busy lately is my cousin's 18th bday party. it's going to be the bash of summer '07 for real. and the dioneda family is going to do it up, hollywood style. we're having a red carpet walk, paparazzi, and black and gold everywhere. the cousins are even doing a weight loss challenge!!! so far i think david's winning...he already lost 3 pounds in like, 2 days.

summer is definitely winding down...i think the party and the best friend's visiting in august are the last two yahoo's for summer 'o7, then it's back to reality. i can't say i'm not excited about this upcoming school year at a new place, but i suppose i'm just not ready for summer to end. alas, we shall not dwell on that at the moment...there are still great memories to be had.

enjoy!

CAUSA party @ the Radisson, LA

Partying in Walnut Creek

Chrystal's sister's wedding, 777

they had this tight photo booth where guests could take pics for free!!! it was soooo cool. i'm definitely getting myself one of these! =)

multi.racial

http://www.myheritage.com

wow. black, white, & asian! what a great mix! :)

the order of the pheonix

david, my bro, & i watched harry potter and the order of the pheonix yesterday. i absolutely loved it. i actually was so anxious to watch it that i was about to go to the theater at 12:01am and watch it by myself! it made me want to re-read the fifth book again...i think i'm going to read half blood prince before deathly hallows is released.

my favorite part? when dumbledore takes off with fawkes...me and my bro kept doing his pose afterwards. haha! only those that watched would probably get the joke...

anyways, GO SEE IT. NOW!!!!!!!

i will write you a song...

10 random reasons why i love you:

1. you work all night long while i am sleeping away, get off your shift as i get ready for work, and still have the energy to drive to where i am and bring me my morning coffee.

2. you always let me have the last piece of food. even when you are still hungry!

3. at the airport, you stand in line for me while i take a seat in front of the tv screens and wait for our plane to depart. not to mention, you (most of the time) graciously let me sit next to the window.

4. if my room gets too messy, you clean it without asking. you even sweep the hair off the floor, and i know you hate doing that.

5. every decision you make involves me, whether i want to be involved or not. you value my opinion.

6. you support my job and the long hours it takes away from "our time."

7. when you gave your coach's speech in front of all those people, you weren't afraid to mention stuff about me.

8. you are concerned for my health. albeit sometimes a little "too" concerned (like when you tried to force me to take an asprin on my plane ride to phils. so that i wouldn't have a blood clot/heart attack?), but concerned nonetheless. like when you vacuumed your newly cleaned carpet because i was getting asthma attacks.

9. you absolutely love making me laugh. and laugh at you, i do. especially when you do the "pop, lock, & drop it" dance. that's my fave.

10. you love my family.

some guys give their girls flowers every day or maybe buy them expensive things...write them poems or songs or take them out to nice dinners. but for me, i'd give up romance for #10 any time...

i love you.

I don't know how to make lots of money

I got debts that I'm trying to pay

I can't buy you nice things, like big diamond rings

But that don't mean much anyway

I can't give you the house you've been dreaming

If I could I would build it alone

I'd be out there all day, just hammering away

Make us a place of our own

I will write you a song

That's how you'll know that my love is still strong

I will write you a song

And you'll know from this song that I just can't go on without you

I don't know that I'd make a good soldier

I don't believe in being violent and cruel

I don't know how to fight, but I'll draw blood tonight

If somebody tries hurting you

I will write you a song

That's how you'll know that my love is still strong

I will write you a song

And you'll know from this song that I just can't go on without you

Now that it's out on the table

Both of us knew all along

I've got your loving and you've got my song

I don't know how to make lots of money

I don't know all the right things to do

I can't say where we'll go, but the one thing I know

Is how to be a good man to you

Until I die that's what I'll do

I will write you a song

That's how you'll know that my love is still strong

I will write you a song

And you'll know from this song that I just can't go on without you

overwhelmed.

i finished packing up the rest of my stuff in my old classroom today. i was lazy to finish cleaning my classroom out right after school because i was just so anxious to start my vacation. since then, i've spent a week in socal and a week in vegas. i'll also be in socal this weekend for my dad's association's (CAUSA) party. tomorrow i'm going to bring all my stuff to my new classroom...my new school. stopped by there today, and this is what i found:

* tons of teaching resources
* multiple supplies (something i was lacking at my previous school)
* a thick layer of dust along all the bookshelves and files
* file cabinet drawers filled to the brim with lessons and units
* old & faded posters on the walls and bulletin boards
* miscellaneous desk decorations, none of which i particularly like

it's only my second year teaching and so i am still fairly new to the game. i'm not sure what to do because a part of me wants to sweep out everything from the classroom and just start anew. that's what i did last year (although there wasn't too much to sweep out) but it's just soooo much work to do for just one year! what if i don't end up staying at this school? and i'm the kind of person where my environment has to fit me and be comfortable. i don't know how comfortable i'll be with other people's stuff around...stuff that i really don't want to use.

oh well, such is the life of a teacher. i'll figure it out. right now i'm just a bit overwhelmed with the whole thing.

however, i'm also very excited for some other stuff coming up! i'm teaching 8th grade religion next year in addition to other subjects, and i'm sooo looking forward to it. so much you can do with 8th graders and faith. i'm also excited for this and this. summer '07 is proving to be very exhilarating thus far.

all star game was today. pretty exciting that it took place in the bay...i kinda wanted to go and party tonight with all the fans. too bad barry didn't hit any homers...ichiro's was pretty cool, though.

VEGAS was truly amazing. =) my cousin, pj, who turned 21 last friday, my bro, and my other cousins were pretty much drunk the whole time we were there. fyi - flying home after drinking all night and not sleeping is not a good idea. i had to navigate my 18-person group through the las vegas airport, check them all in at the counter, and get them through security. it took us almost an hour. by then, my hangover caught up with me. in the air, i was nauseous and throwing up the whole time. good thing i was sitting next to strangers...

i'll post pic's later...




* by the way, i'm having the same problem that gian is having...it won't let me post any titles! so weird...

it is summer, isn't it?

today i woke up at 10am and didn't get out of my pajamas (or take a shower, for that matter) until 7pm to get ready for church. you may be thinking that i had a lazy day, which i most certainly did not. the whole time i was working on my dad's souvenir program, which is really starting to stress me out. i've been working on it a lot yet i feel like i've made very little progress. on top of it all i have my dad who is even more stressed out than i am, breathing down my neck to see where i'm at with the project. ay nako.

the only thing that's giving me a bit of sanity is that we're leaving for BEGAS (aka, vegas) tomorrow! and we rollin' 18 deep, too. it's gonna be craaazy. but what's a dioneda family vacation without a bit of crazy? i can remember the last time we all were together on vacation together...they came down for my graduation 3 years ago and then we drove to vegas. before then, we took a trip to the east coast...now that, was crazy. try walking the streets of ny with 20 people in your group, half of them under the age of 18. luckily, most of us are over 21 now. i'm really excited...

i started the memory keeper's daughter a few days ago and am just beginning to get immersed into the story. it's about this woman who gives birth to twins; her husband delivers them and discovers that one of the babies has down syndrome, so he gives her away to the nurse who is ordered to drop off the baby at an institution (it's 1965, that's what they did with "abnormal" kids back then). the nurse ends up raising the daughter on her own. crazy. just the way i like it.

on a side note, i feel accomplished in the world of scrapbooking. i finished the scrapbook i was working on; i used ali edwards' everyday beauty kit and since it's a small book i had an easy time with the layouts. i dedicated it to my lola, and it is filled with pics of my cousins. i may decide to scan some of them and put them up. anyway, just waiting on some cj's to come my way...





** david wants us to buy grillz instead of rings. filled with diamonds. and engraved with a date. oh, what has the bay area done to my boyfriend?!?!

hello, summer!

a couple nights ago a stayed up 'til 4am scrapbooking. SUMMER is finally here...

it has been nice just being able to stay up late and wake up whenever i want to. such freedoms that have been unknown to me for a while now! i've busied myself with lots of reading (just finished flowers for algernon -- great book), creating, and vacationing. my week down in socal was wonderful, as usual. most of the time we helped david's sis and bro-in-law move into their new house. after finding out what they payed for their awesome house, i started to rethink my desires of purchasing a home in the bay area. it's ridiculously expensive up here, and every time david and i look around at places to live i get more and more discouraged. but, as david says, we'll get there someday. anyway, it was good to catch up with old friends again. yougurtland proved to be a very interesting place to be. my one major goal was to talk to fr. pat and attend mass at interfaith on sunday, and we were able to do both. i told david that one of the reasons i love fr. pat is because he is just so real. tell it like it is, no bs-ing, no sugar-coating, flat out real. i love that about him, and i think i like to see that in people in general. he told me i should basically give my former "boss" (who happens to be a priest) a piece of my mind. when i told him i was scared, he said to write an anonymous letter! he is too funny...

my fam just planned an impromptu vacay to vegas. well, they planned it and i had to book the flights. i was on the computer for almost 4 hours yesterday trying to find a decent price for flights to vegas for 14 (yes, fourteen) people. but it all paid off...$148/person (UAL) on www.cheaptickets.com! the only thing is that we're gonna be there for about a week. what can you do for whole week in vegas?!

got my hands committed to a couple other things coming up soon as well...

1. souvenir program for my dad's group's big event in july.
2. my cousin's debut (a night out in Hollywood, baby!)
3. Liwanag Family Ministry stuff.
4. going back to school.
5. scrapbooking. (i just needed one more for a list of 5 things. i know, i'm weird.)

so, this summer shall be quite interesting. lots to do. lots to look forward to. excited for the days ahead.

welcome, summer!

the end of the line...

well, tomorrow is the day. the last day, in fact, that our school will ever be open. it's going to be bittersweet tomorrow -- although i am ecstatic that the year has ended and i can enjoy my summer, i'm really going to miss my kids. many have told me that i become way too attached to the kids that i work with -- not only during this job but my last job as a behavioral therapist. but really, how can one not become attached? i talk to these children about God and Jesus and Mary and struggles and relationships and life every single day. i share my life's journey with them in hopes that they will be inspired. i am open with them as they are with me. how can one not become attached? teaching is not just a job...it's a vocation, a calling. and in a world where people have become so utterly detached from each other, not only in the workplace but in all areas of interaction, a little closeness wouldn't hurt.

i read dr. seuss' oh, the places you'll go! to my class last friday and struggled to hold back the tears. i hope they couldn't tell. my favorite line in the book: kid, you'll move mountains.

* * *

i had a bit of a confrontation with my "boss" today. he became upset at me for dedicating a page in the yearbook to our former principal, even after i told him that it came from the kids, themselves. he didn't believe me. he then proceed to blame her for the closing of our school. he also said there were others more "worthy" of the dedication page. i sincerely hope he wasn't talking about himself, because that would be a joke. talk about being a shepherd.

i've never despised anyone as much as i despise him. and that is saying a lot.

so, i pray for him as we all are called to pray for our enemies. i have tried to bite my tongue and hold it in for the past 6 months, but i'm afraid that this last day is tempting me to explode in fury if he comes up to me again. please pray for me. and pray that i don't lose it in front of the kids. be a leader, dee...love your enemies.

God help me.

blessed with a burden

it's official. we're closing.

just a few weeks ago i remember writing an entry about our school surviving, jumping over the hurdle and triumphing over adversity. they told us that there simply weren't enough students that committed to the school and paid their registration, bringing our total number of students to 82 instead of the 110 that we needed to open our doors for next year.

the interim principal and our pastor broke the news to us friday afternoon. the kids and their families received word from a letter in the mail on saturday, and the parish was informed on sunday. i walked into school on tuesday morning, and already, there were tears in their eyes. some needed to ask me for themselves, as if hearing my answer would make it real to them.

the principals from surrounding schools came and visited that afternoon to sign our kids up for what little spaces they had left. because of our students, many of the schools in our area are now maxed out at 40 students per class. when i looked around the hall, i saw parents crying as they thumbed through parent/student handbooks and signed registration. some even approached me and asked where i was going before they made their decision.

when i introduced myself to the other principals, they all held my hand or gave me a hug and expressed their sympathy for what was going on in our community. but, it was the kids that really needed the support. instead of graduating with the peers they've known since kindergarten, they now must get to know an entirely new class and do their best to fit in.

our school's name means "mother of sorrows," and as one parent so eloquently expressed to me, our mother mary is, once again, sacrificing her own school -- her own children -- so that other schools may thrive and flourish. i told my students that they have been blessed with the burden of staying strong and faithful in the midst of all this confusion and chaos. i don't know if they understand now, but i believe one day, they will.

on a brighter note, i did already find a position at another school. praise God for that. i'll be an 8th grade homeroom teacher next year, still handling language arts for junior high. i'm disappointed that i won't be able to try out the duties of vice principal, though. looks like that dream is gonna have to be put on hold...at least for a little while.


i'm reading a new book that i just started today.

so far it has been real intruiging, and sometimes scary. i was reading in the living room and had to transfer to where david was because some of the scenes gave me chills.

i'm only into the first quarter of the book so far. already i feel as if the challenges of my community and the problems i face daily are trivial.

On the Road...

it has been almost two years since i made the move back to the bay -- a change in my life that i was weary of, yet ready for. and as i reflect back on what a journey it has been, i am awestruck at the unfolding of His plans for me.

how am i to prepare for tomorrow?

reflect back on yesterday and today...

in the days of yore when i used to live in socal, being a faithful Catholic was easy. it was not devoid of challenges and heartaches, persay, but it was definitely easier to get through life's darkest moments because of what/whom i was surrounded by. sunday's were dedicated to serving at the Holy Mass -- singing, leading, minstering in the highest form of praise possible. if i ever needed to be refreshed in my faith, i had tuesday meetings. felt the need to be with Him? midnight trips to the blessed sacrament were frequent and always with people who understood my need to just be in His presence. the people...how strong the relationships built upon Christ's love really are!

i always talk about how things are so different here. i find myself struggling to go to mass every week. friends are not as readily available to talk to about daily crosses, which seem to be quite a bit heavier nowadays. my tuesday nights are usually spent watching american idol. and yet, as i prepare to conduct our school's prayer service tomorrow morning, i begin to see again the unfolding of His intricate plan.

the road to emmaus...

the story is about how Jesus' friends were not able to recognize Him and He was right in front of their faces the entire time. they walked on the road with Him, chatted a bit, He taught them a thing or two about scripture, and they still could not see. it was not until "He had been made known to them in the breaking of the bread" that their eyes were opened.

it's not as easy for me now to be a faithful servant without all the spiritual ammenities being readily available at my disposal. but i suppose that's the whole point -- being able to recognize Him in everything that i do, all that i say, each person that i meet, the students that i teach. He has been walking on the road with me the entire time. my eyes have just chosen not to see...

for whatever reason, i have been fearful and hesitant to fully let my spiritual leadership side show in front of the entire community, and i know that this can no longer be. this is what i was born for.

do you want to know my most favorite part of the day was today? seeing the kindergarteners, 1st, and 2nd graders lead the rosary with poise, confidence, and child-like spirit. they were the teachers today. the face of God can be no more apparent than in the face of a child.

please pray for our prayer service tomorrow. if log peeps were there they'd be able to sing along with our praises: Open the Eyes, Holy Is His Name, One Bread One Body, & God of Wonders. pray that i have the courage to lead through my actions and my words, and that the children will find the courage to open their eyes and hearts to Him.

May they recognize Him in the breaking of the bread.

it was a good run...

still believin' for next year...

(don't mind my pose in that last one. boozer = soy sauce packs. yikes!)

"i want to fall in love..."

"you want to fall in love with who?"

"i want to fall in love...with you."

"good. cuz i want to fall in love with you."

AHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!


where are the san leon girls when you need them?!

for i know the plans i have for you...

i signed.

...my contract, that is! it is official -- i am remaining at my school for the '07-'08 school year. after much deliberation, consultation, worrying, meditation and prayer i arrived at my decision and i am happy with it. i know that come next year it may be more than i can handle, but this is my path and i'm gonna live it up....

as a VICE PRINCIPAL! =) and a teacher, of course! i'm moving up with my class, so i'll teach 7th grade as well as carry out duties as vp. i'm so excited for this next step in my professional career and am anxious as to what it will bring. and, i am thankful. i know i don't deserve it and that i cannot do it alone...i'm gonna try my best to take a back seat and let Him do the driving.

i told my kids the news and they screamed and cheered. one of them grabbed a tissue because she said she was going to cry! another humble affirmation that this is where i'm supposed to be.

* * *

random thoughts:

- can't wait for this weekend.
- got my Everyday Beauty album by AE from CK and am dying to start.
- i love my CD's from the Phils. especially these two:

















- i have a pile of "to be graded" papers about 3 ft. high.
- didn't know the labels for blogger posts have to be separated by a comma. duh, dee.
- so ready for rally.
- trying to finish my CJ! sorry, babysitters!
- need to post pics from Phils.
- summer is coming so fast...vegas, anyone?

my dear LOG alumni,

REMEMBER WHEN...

...we used to stay at Interfaith 'till 2 o'clock in the morning?
...we would sing praise songs 'till our voices gave out?
...our arms and legs would get tired from all the "roll over the oceans" and "it's you, it's you it's you who builds community"?
...delirium would sink in after the 100th time of rehearsing the skit?
...the tshirts weren't ready until the day of?
...everything seemed to go wrong until the doors opened and everything fell right into its place?

i certainly do! well, it's that time of year, folks...LOG Spirit Rally is literally just around the corner and our beloved Lighters need OUR HELP. "what do they need us to do?" you might be asking yourself. is it money? is it food? in actuality, what they need is something that one cannot put a price on...they need us.

let's rally ourselves together and support Liwanag in this year's spirit rally...

"Taste and See"
Saturday, April 28th
Crystal Cove Auditorium, UCI Student Center
doors open @ 2:30pm, rally begins @ 3:00pm
minimum donation: $5

it has been a while, hasn't it? let's reconnect and catch up, alums! they need our support, and we need to show them that we still care about our ever-growing family.

it would be so refreshing to see everyone again! so, bring your bf's and gf's, your family and friends, your babies, husbands, and wives. bring everyone you know and visit the school and the family that was once so much a part of your lives.

will i see you there?

revived&resurrected.

i am jetlagged. hence, the 1:30am blogging...

my trip to the philippines was, needless to say, amazing. i think two weeks away from the busyness and stress of life here was just what i needed to refresh myself and start anew. it was wonderful. last year's trip back home was bittersweet; my lola had just passed and our purpose for going was solely to be there for my mom and to help out with our responsibilities over there. this year was different. we were able to enjoy it a lot more, talk and bond more with my pinsans, and simply soak in all that the philippines had to offer. on top of that, more of my family members came which made it that much more enjoyable. i wish that my visits there could be more than just once a year. at times i felt like i was making up for lost time when it came to getting to know some of our family over there. no matter how tired or hot or uncomfortable i felt i would try and force myself to endure it all so that i could spend as much time with them as i possibly could. but i suppose this is how it was meant to be, and i can only be grateful that i have had the chance, twice now, to connect with them and begin new relationships that will hopefully last for a long time.

after being immersed in a different culture in a different county for some time, i found myself once again grateful for the things that i have here in america -- freedom, a good job, education, a chance to climb the professional ladder and provide for myself and my future family...and toilet paper. i am also reminded of things that they have that i would like to work on -- respect for my elders, the closeness of my family, and the value of being grateful for each meal i partake in. little reminders that i am sure will allow my life to be that much more fulfilling.

i am still working on getting back into the swing of things. i went into work today with no lesson plan whatsover. in fact, i arrived just after the bell rang! but like i mentioned earlier, i am refreshed and am prepared to wrap up the end of the school year with a BANG!, especially after hearing the wonderful news...my school is staying open for next year! :) yes, we were able to get our numbers up and survive the numerous pitfalls and challenges presented our way and are now preparing to open once again. thank you for your prayers. i still have yet to decide whether or not i am going to stay. there's a lot more that i can't mention on a public blog, but i just want to make sure i make the right decision. i want to work for leaders i believe in. not sure if that'll be the case for next year...

anyways, i think i'll try to get to bed now. i'm not tired, but i guess i'm going to need to force myself so that i can somewhat function tomorrow! more pictures to follow soon...

REVIVED&RESURRECTED. basta...

Jeremiah 17:7-8

But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

how appropriate. i hear YOU. thanks for helping me to hear once again, if only for this moment.

look who has a new camera!!!

david bought himself a Nikon D70s. we picked it up from the post office today. he's pretty excited about it. he thinks he's a professional photographer now. ;)

in my head...

i'm having trouble hearing.

the past few weeks have been difficult. i've been going back and forth with decisions and opinions regarding the fate of my job and the issues at my school. so much is going on...and it's all unravelling fast. my faith has been wavering. why is God letting this all happen? i asked that question to one of the sisters at my school and she said, "actually it's not God that's doing it. it's the people." she's right. it's amazing how people can lose sight of what's really important really fast.

what is truth? in the book my 7th graders and i are reading (Monster, by Walter Dean Myers) the main character, Steve, says that "truth is truth." is it really that simple? what if what i believe to be true is not what you believe to be true? then how do we decide? who do we believe? what do we believe? i suppose only God will know. but sometimes, we really need to know, too.

my hair keeps falling out. in chunks. and i started to have PAC's just like david. sometimes i feel like my heart is going to explode and i get nervous for no reason. this has got to stop.

so i am/was having trouble hearing His voice over all of this. it's getting a bit better...slowly. but it's difficult. God's voice used to be one of the only voices i'd hear. i had clarity back then. decisions, though they may have been difficult, were easy to make because i always knew the answer. and the times that i didn't know the answer, i'd have trust. i'm trying to get that back.

in the meantime, this has been helping:



these guys bring laughter into my life. :D