SoCAL

...here i come! =D

time won't flow, everyone knows
when the pain fades away
and dreams won't die
with tears in our eyes
you've got to hold your head up high

bawal umihi dito

so i'm in an internet cafe in bicol right now and over the sound system i here "COME....now is the time to woooooooorship!" i just had to blog after that! there are so many things here that remind me of people and places back home. sometimes it makes me want to go home already...the time here goes sooooo slow!!! it's weird! but we still have a few more days to go.

by the way, HAPPY EASTER!

one of the biggest differences i've noticed over here is that people are ALWAYS TOGETHER. (did i blog about this already?) like my lola's house here, the door never closes and people are always in and out -- family and friends alike! you go to one house and eat...then you go to another house and hour later and eat again. and you feed ANYONE who comes through the door, regardless of whether or not you are related. and when we go places, we always take people with us...everyone goes along with what everyone else is doing. it's cool cuz you're never alone, and you develop a closeness because you're always together. on the other hand, at times i feel like i need to get away and breathe a little. for example, during holy thursday, good friday, and holy saturday i wanted to get away and reflect by myself for a little bit but i couldn't because someone always wants to come with you! i don't mind really, but it's just different. in america people are separated -- distant, even. you do your thing and i'll do mine. perhaps that's why "community" is hard to come by in the american culture...to some, there is no such thing.

here, it's the only thing.

1 peso per minute...CHEAP!!!

greetings from the philippines! =)

i'm here in an internet cafe in manila and i just wanted to write a quick THANK YOU to everyone who sent texts, emails, and messages my way in regards to my lola's passing. it was too hard for me to call/write everyone back and my trip to the PI was extremely rushed and i didn't have time to contact everyone. BUT, please know that i am grateful for all of your thoughts and prayers...this time has been hard for all of us but with your support we are surviving. being in the PI is a culture shock (though it's my culture!!!), but i feel closer to my lola more than ever before. thanks, again, and prayers go out to everyone that's also going through difficult times.

basta kayo.

let me be overwhelmed by the beauty of Jesus...

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

it's interesting how life changes.

i have always been someone who never welcomed change. i remember the girls and i would talk about it all the time -- how we were afraid of change and leaving the comfort that "sameness" can bring into our lives. when we are comfortable and happy in a certain place at a certain time, it's hard to get up and just leave. it does take strength...especially when you are unsure of what lies ahead.

the issue for me was never not wanting to come back home...i guess it was more of not wanting to leave. i miss it. i miss the weather, the shopping, the adventure. i miss the spontaneity and the faces. i miss the talks and the singing and dancing and laughing. i miss the community...the family. i miss seeing people. i miss the kids and i miss seeing them grow. i miss carne asada and pesto pasta...and boy do i miss the mizithra. i miss mass. i miss directing. i miss roommates. i miss...

* * *


on a slightly different note, i was reading a friend's blog today and i was really feeling her thoughts on needing to censor (is that the right word?) her blogs and the hesitancy felt when it came to writing down certain thoughts. i don't know what it is either, but i totally feel the same way. i'm not sure why. then again, maybe i do know why. it's hard to let the words flow freely when in the back of your mind you know you will have an audience who will read your words and have some sort of opinion about what you wrote. sometimes, you just want to write for yourself...for whatever reason...without anyone responding back. and sometimes, you want people to respond...you want to know that your friends care about what you're going through and you desire to know what others think. sometimes i think people cater to their audiences when they write...and others don't and get in trouble for it and will then have to remove their blog from the public eye due to anonymous comments written in anger, frustration, hurt...confusion. (imagine if we wrote down our every honest thought about everything and anything for the whole world to see...hmmm.) i don't mean to sound like i think blogs are a bad idea...i love having a creative space to work with and i love reading other people's blogs if only for the mere fact that that's the only way i know what's going on in their lives. (and, NO, i don't just look for my name...contrary to what others may think/say!!!) i don't know where i'm going with this and i think somewhere along the line i may have missed my point. =/ ANYWAY, i don't know if my friend feels the same way i do but i thank her and appreciate her thoughts for they always seem to inspire me in ways that go beyond words.

as an attempt to put off tonights homework i sit here looking through blogs, searching on myspace, and organizing old pictures to soon (hopefully) be put into scrapbooks...


i suddenly feel the need to breathe.

bittersweet goodbye.

in five minutes the best show on tv (at this moment) is about to begin its last episode:

The Bachelor.

i looooooooooove this show. it's such a good season, and it reminds me of the days i used to live with the girlies and when we would get together and watch the show and screeeeam our heads off! oh how sad i will be after tonight...

how i will miss thee, bachelor!




i'm so excited!!!!!

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5

Abortion is not a right.
Capital punishment is not a right.


Life is a right.


How sad it is to know that we live in a place where death is valued over life.

i'm feeling you...

...on that writer's block, ang. =/

here i am in the good 'ol library at usf, doing everything i possibly can to not start my paper: listening to muuuuuusic, searching for muuuuuusic, buying muuuuusic, perusing the blog sections, looking at pictures, and the like. so, perhaps it's not writer's block so much as a lack of concentration on the things i need to be concentrating on.

i'm always wanting to blog about so much, but i have trouble getting started. i think it's cuz there's soooo much to blog about that i'm mentally overwhelmed before i even begin to put it down in words.

i've had a great couple of weekends...

there's something about san diego that gets me. i always seem to have such a good time when i'm there...though i think it's mostly because of the people i'm with, but still...i think there's something in the air down there that always seems to satisfy my need for fun and relaxation.

can i just say that the naval wedding reception was the most fun i've had in a very loooooong time?! man, table 16 was rockin' it that night...and it wasn't only our table but everyone at the party -- good company makes a difference, i tell ya! i loved every moment of it -- the ceremony, our sexy hotel (what a view!), the love, the people, friends, family, fun, the dancing, the beverages, their first dance, the kiss that never came (haha!), the brokeback cake, more dancing, the reception table (i must say, that was the most fun i've ever had at a reception table before...), fun mel, toasting to every little thing, crashing in our sexy hotel room, and the drive home. i loved it all.

thanks, san diego.

and this weekend....wowMOMwow. it was great having my parents support ao1 + friends, but it was not so great messing up. =/ lot's of errors for miss dee over here. but oh well, i think if i practiced more i would've been more up to speed...it's all good. regardless of the mistakes and the off notes the worship filled my soul once again -- it was the rejuvination i've been needing for a while. i think it'll be enough to last till our next gig in a few months! hopefully!

once again i was reminded of how important community can be in one's life. though at times it is difficult to function without one that is easily accessible, it really does make you cherish the moments of fellowship when you do have your community right there next to you, and it causes you to search and branch out into different communities of which you are not necessarily "used to" such as family, church, school chums, etc. sometimes God asks us to step out of our comfort zone and try things that are different. but still, it was nice to be back at my second home.

keep on, keepin' on, liwanag. we're proud of you.



"lamp unto my feet
light unto my path
it is you
jesus, it is you."

no turning back

well, i did it. looks like there's no turning back now.

8 months and counting...



gian, where you at?!

ao1 gangsta's fo' life.

check it out.

http://www.walkforlifewc.com/index.htm

2.5 miles, easy.

...but of course, supporting the cause is what's driving us to attend this walk today. let's pray it'll be a peaceful one. i'm sure it will be, but then again you never know with these things! hurray for choosing life.

not again.

so i'm here in a deserted lounge on the usf campus...all by my lonesome because nobody in their right mind would be on campus during winter break. and, why, you might ask? i locked my keys in my car. again. i really do not know how many times i have done this since i had a car (waaaay back in the day during high school), but i know it exceeds the number of fingers on both my hands.

i'm a little scared because no one is around, but it's ok because there's security cameras all around and if something happens to me at least it'll be captured on tape. yikes! =/

anyways, i just finished my last intercession class...we had group presentations today on various topics concerning exceptional children. i must say that although i absolutely hate group presentations, i think i may be getting used to them. i just think it's so hard to coordinate your schedules with other people, and there are some who free up their time to do the work and others that either don't really have the time or don't want to put in the time. then, sometimes if you're busy on the day everyone is free, they look at you like you committed a crime! but it has gotten better because my school chums (as em calls them) and i have been getting to know each other more and we're actually quite close nowadays! they're a unique bunch, though i think some of the girls may still be stuck in high school. oh well, what can you do.

can i just say that i am suuuuper excited for this weekend?!?! i can't wait to go to socal and have fun with everyone!!! i really wish i could get there on friday, but i have work till the late afternoon and all of the cheap flights in the evening were booked up....so, i was able to secure a flight for saturday for only $49!!! isn't that a steal? well, it's only for one-way cuz davey and i will drive up on monday, so it all worked out. i can't wait...it's all i can think about! :) geez...how pathetic of me! well, this is what happens when you get older...you live for those rare weekends when you can party it up, relax, and spend time in the company of good friends without having to worry about anything else. oh, how i miss socal!

vocations

for all you teachers out there...

Like Captured Fireflies

by John Steinbeck

In her classroom our speculations ranged the world.

She aroused us to book waving discussions.

Every morning we came to her carrying new truths, new facts,
new ideas cupped and sheltered in our hands like captured fireflies.

When she went away a sadness did not go out.

She left her signature upon us.

The literature of a teacher who writes on children’s minds.

I’ve had many teachers who taught us soon forgotton things.

But only a few like her who created in me a new thing, a new
attitude, a new hunger.

I suppose to a large extent I am the unsigned manuscript
of that teacher.

What deathless power lies in the hands of such a person.

you go and talk to Him...

i know i've expressed my difficulties with prayer lately, but today there was a turnaround. and it all started with a conversation...

i was making my way toward school, away from studying at starbucks and getting my daily dose of caffeine when a buddy of mine called me to continue our earlier conversation that took place a few hours before. it was a simple conversation -- no more than a few short minutes. she asked me where i was going and i told her i was off to pray at the big SI church before i would head over to class that would last for 5 hours. because prayer hasn't exactly been prevalent in my daily life i considered my trek over to the church to be significant, though i hadn't thought about what i was actually going to pray about while i was there. i just knew that i wanted -- no, needed -- to pray. then she said, "ok, you go and talk to Him." we promptly said our good-bye's and see you soon's...all the while those words hanging in the air with me not even fully noticing they were there.

i walked into the church and toward my usual spot (in front of the tabernacle with Mama Mary and the Baby Jesus on top), sat down and realized i didn't know how to begin. geez...just a few weeks without prayer and i had already forgotten.

i became aware of my friend's words at that moment...talk to Him. and that was all i needed to begin a heartfelt conversation with someone whom i missed very much, and who missed me even more.

thanks, my popular friend.
how i miss thee.

if i could just sit with you a while...

so it's been really hard for me to pray lately. i don't know what it is, but something's just not right. and the sad thing is, all i have to do is make the first move and i know He'll make it all right again. another sad thing is that there are so many people that need prayers...and it's not helping anybody if i indulge in this separation.



on a brighter note, i was able to talk on the phone with some friends that i really miss!!! one of my resolutions was to k.i.t. more with everyone...now that is a challenge for someone who doesn't naturally like to talk on the phone like some people do (*ahem* reegis catalla...), but it felt good to talk with them if even only for a few moments. hurray for books, marathons, and growing pains!

i really miss this...=(

...if you could just hold me

moment by moment

till forever passes by.

i've been sitting here contemplating on whether or not i should write a 2005 year in review blog seeing as though my memory is pretty much nonexistent most times and i don't think i can recall many things from this past year. but, after much thought i decided to give it a go...after all, the year was indeed quite interesting:

2005, a year of growing up: in the professional sector, i made quite a few accomplishments i had not anticipated. i got promoted to supervisor and was fully in charge of my first case! i had to learn how to make executive decisions and how to handle crazy parents (of whom some were crazier than their kids, sad to say!). it was also very challenging supervising tutors working on my cases...i really had to get used to giving constructive criticism and reprimanding some that weren't getting the job done. that was really difficult, especially when i had to confront one of my tutors who was leaving early during sessions...she quit the next week. i also had to learn how to handle money, which i can honestly say i hadn't really handled it at all. i'm still working on that, and with each penny saved (if even that) i get a little better.

2005, a year of friendship: i made so many new friends that i felt like i've known for hella years, and deepened my relationships with one's that i "grew up" with at uci. some friendships suffered greatly due to "rumors" and long months of non-existent keeping in touch. but, in the end all things were made beautiful and i can truly say that the friendships i've hung on to are worth more than gold. i remember the clubs and dances we rarely went to...the weddings we cried and didn't cry at...the drama we usally go through and was not at all surprising (our friendships wouldn't be as exciting without a little drama here and there!)...the rallies and concerts looked through different eyes...and the music.

2005, a year of music: and what a beautiful sound that music made throughout the year! noon mass choir sang beautiful enough to be compared to as a choir of angels. ao1 went off the charts, not in popularity but in heart and struggle. no matter what it was that we were unsure or nervous about, i always loved those few moments right before we were about to start a worship when everything sat still and our hearts were at peace with Him. those few moments of assurance from God made all the valley's worth it...and no matter what came before or after, the moments inbetween when we could be seen lifting our broken souls in prayer to God will always rest in my heart as some of the most profound moments of my life. my heart will not rest, until it rests in you...

2005, a year of drama: enough said. just kidding! what would we do without the exciting episodes of never-ending drama?! our lives would be quite dull without it.

2005, a year of losses: JPII gave his lasts breaths on April 2nd, 2005. we were driving to david's bball game and i remember not wanting to believe it because i was so counting on him to live until the next world youth day in germany (which was also a loss since i wasn’t able to go…but i guess it wasn’t in His plans.). but as much as i was upset about his passing, i was thankful for his life and the significant impact he made in mine...and in the world. totus tuus.

2005, a year of gains: pope benedict XVI was elected…he answered “yes” to God’s calling for reasons yet to be seen. david and i were both fortunately crowned as dons and the door to an educational opportunity was pushed wide open! furthermore, i was again given the chance to work with children at a private school, AND teach my own little class on the fundamentals of Catholicism. fundamentals are the building blocks of fun!

2005, a year of good-bye’s: i said good-bye to a world that has made the most impact on my twenty-four years of life thus far, and sometimes i think that i wasn't ready to yet. now, every time i’m in a church during mass, my physical body is there but my heart is somewhere faraway, peacefully lying amidst the brown walls, dirty carpet, and spirit-filled friends of interfaith. with every one bread, one body sang, i pray that my voice carries those 400 miles south to the place where it all began. i miss it so much…but i realize now that i have to just let it go and concentrate on the things right in front of me.


and here we are, on the dawning of 2006 and i foresee it as a year of FOCUS. focusing on bringing light to my family, my friends, and my david. a focus on a new life and new beginnings. a focus of faith and love. a focus on a revolution of hearts…






thank you, kj, for a new year.

the things you'd do for a picture...

HAPPY 2006!!!

well, my new year's didn't exactly start off on the right foot! we actually missed the freakin' countdown!!! so, nobody in my family was paying attention...we were talking and eating and just goofing off when somebody says, "hey it's 5 minutes till the ball drops!" so we scrambled to get the wine ready and passed it out to everyone. my uncle shouted, "two more minutes!" and so i told my dad to take a picture of my brother, sister, and me. out of the corner of my eye i see my two cousins jump high in the air (we always jump when the clock turns to midnight...supposedly it makes you grow. go figure...) and i think to myself "are they practicing or something?" and then after the picture is all done everyone is greeting each other happy new year and we've missed it!!! =/ i think my uncle meant 2 SECONDS and not 2 minutes. no one even shouted out the coundown as we usually do!!! grrr....well, i suppose the good thing is that i have a picture of me and the sib's taken exactly during the first seconds of 2006. wowmomwow.


so i basically started the new year off LATE and taking a PICTURE...sounds like classic dee, huh?!

5...4...3...2...wait a minute!

before the drinks...

after the drinks...

haha, yeah right. look at my two innocent cousins trying to "act" drunk.

our signature jump at midnight. anyone else's family do this?!?!

and a little child shall lead them...

merry (belated) christmas, everyone!

jesus' birthday was a good one! we headed over to my aunt's house in millbrae and had dinner as usual, followed by an early opening of the gifts. we usually try and wait until midnight, but for the past couple years since the twins have been born we've either just let them open their gifts first in front of everyone and then wait until midnight for everyone else, or just open them all early. thankfully, my lola was home from the hospital and was able to be amongst her family during this holiday. she's actually staying at my aunt's house for now and so her big hospital bed takes up half the living room! we totally had no space during the gift opening...it was craaazy! we also usually go around and allow each person to open ONE gift in front of everyone and show it off, but this year it was a free for all which made things waaaay chaotic. next year i'm voting for more organization and scheduling!!!

oh, then afterwards all the cousins played the Harry Potter, Scene It! game which was pretty fun. sidenote: i just found out that the director of the first two harry potter movies has a daughter that goes to my old high school!!! craaaazy, huh?! no wonder they were premiering the 4th movie for SI alums and students before the release date. and, after playing the game i realized that i'm not as much of a harry potter movie buff as i thought i was! they ask you all these specific questions like the names of spells and creatures...but it was really fun.

christmas day my family and i went to mass and then watched memoirs of a geisha. we arrived a little late (well, before the movie started but "late" if you wanted to get a good seat) so we had to sit way in the front, and by the end of the movie my neck was permantly holding my head up to face the sky. =/ i then realized that i am getting old. later that night we hung out with the cousins and went to see the decorated houses around our area, but it was raining so we had to stay in the car.

new year's should be interesting...my family and i are going to watch a football game new year's eve and then spend the countdown at my aunt's. a part of me wishes i could go out and get all craaazy (but, not too crazy, of course!) like most young adults my age, but i know my parents want me to stay home. i know this because they told me i can't go out. the joy's of living at home... =/. i've already been invited to two parties that are probably going to be really fun, but oh well. now that my lola is home it's probably better for all of us to spend the special holiday's with her.

by the way, thanks to everyone who has been praying for her and my fam. the prayers definitely worked, and my lola is definitely on the road to recovery!

the boys just could not stop eating!!!

lola, my mom, bailey, and mama

janette (bro's gf), chris, daddy, papa, nathalie, mommy, and me

the cousins (minus quite a few...)

evan opened ONE present and liked it so much he forgot about the rest, haha!

presents...

presents...

and more presents...

i wonder if my lola liked this present?!