last night we spent a few hours at the hospital with my lola. she was supposed to be discharged a couple days ago but had a major set back...they found a large tumor in her stomach & her kidney was not functioning. she didn't have any urine output for 2 days and her stomach was very bloated. it was hard being at the hospital because my lola was in so much pain...she couldn't stay still for too long and kept wanting to move around. they didn't put her on morphine, even though i really wished they had, so she simply had to endure the pain. yet, she kept fighting, and continues to fight until today. my lola underwent dialysis (sp?) today to help her kidneys, and as far as i've heard she's doing much better. thank you to all who have prayed, and continue to pray, for my grandma. my family is going through some difficult times right now, but i know it's making us stronger and closer. it's a waiting game at this point...they're trying to take care of one ailment at a time. today they're working on the kidney, tomorrow or a few days from now they'll decide whether or not they want to remove the tumor. the operation was not advised by the doctor b/c she's at high risk...so we're not sure if we're going to put her through that. last night they were talking about signing do not resuscitate papers in case she goes into distress.

scary...

...no one really ever achieves "closure." thoughts will always enter in and out of your mind, and things will happen where you will be reminded and you'll feel it all over again. the real test is what you do with those thoughts and feelings. you simply have to ENDURE them, and realize that we cannot change what has already happened. focus on the here and now, and live.

what a DAY today was!


"well, i don't know if he likes her, but at least he's not annoyed of her!"

"you will never know when i'm going to come...every tuesday you will be in suspense as to whether or not i will show up in the dark corners of interfaith...from now, until ETERNITY!"

brother: "take and receive...i LIKE that song. it was the best song at mass today."
me: "yeah, we sing it at days with the lord. i bet you someone in that choir is a dayzer."
brother in his _____ accent: "oh yeah?! well i'm gonna make myself a group...and i'll call it, NIGHTS with the Lord! HA!"

wow, today was the first mass ever where david, nathalie, chris, and i tried to harmonize to every single song. i have to say, gather your people, o lord & city of god have never known such arrangements!!!

i love being able to be there for friends...praise God!

praise God for changeable flight schedules!!! =)

after blowing out her candles...
me: "so, mom, what did you wish for?"
mom: "a healthy life. a long live."
me: "long live? long live what?"

me: "i'm hella just going to jump on stage!"
mang: "oh man...that'll be a catastrophe!"
me: "yes...but a beautiful one!"

"so, uh...do i need permission or something?"

"miss dianne, does everyone have to go through bapUHtism?"

my intelligent brother's reflection on today's gospel...
"i don't get how the 10 virgins lost their oil...and didn't they know that there was going to be a wedding the next day?"

my sister, staring at me while i was removing the cake from the box...
"good job getting the cake, dianne. i see that you forgot to ask them to write 'happy birthday' on it..."

at chili's, after the servers came over to sing happy birthday to my mom...
me: "wow, papa (my grandfather)...you were really clappin' it up on that one!"
papa: "well, you see, i enjoy clapping very much."

QUIET strength...

thanks to all who sent messages, cards, presents, texts, blog entries and calls my way for my birthday! i was very touched to know that even though i moved away you guys still remembered my birthday and thought enough to send warm wishes! i miss you all so very much and i can't wait till we see each other again! =)

i spent my birthday on friday with my friends...we had a nice dinner at this restaurant called circolo's and afterwards went out dancing. the club wasn't all that much fun, but it was nice just to be all together. then, on saturday i had a family party in sacramento at my uncle's house. it was nice having my family all together...we took a late night trip to walmart and i got really excited because i bought a 2006 calendar of JPII for only 5 buckaroonies!!! =) that was the highlight of our trip to walmart...that and spending 15 min. at the self checkout trying to pay for our stuff. and we thought it would be faster...

on sunday i had my 3rd cff (children's faith formation) class! things are going well with that class...i was discouraged last week due to certain circumstances but things went sooo much better this time! i had a re-affirmation before class began, and realized that if i rely on my own strength and wisdom to teach these kids i won't be successful. focusing on God as my inspiration for teaching helped me to center myself and do a much better job...thank you, Lord, for reminding me.

the rest of Sunday was tiring. my lola is in the hospital right now -- her heart wasn't working very well (to put it simply) and as a result fluid built up in her lungs and caused her to have trouble breathing. her heart rate dropped to 30 (60 would be the lowest considered “normal”) and the doctor’s said that we almost lost her, but she put up a good fight. they had to put a pace maker in and intubate her to help her breathe better. we spent the whole sunday after my class at the hospital, which wasn’t that bad because my whole family was there and david and i got to study. we’re here at the hospital right now – i felt so bad for her because she can’t talk due to the tube, and so she cries because she can’t communicate. what’s worse is that they had to restrain and sedate her because when she’s awake she tries to pull out all of her tubes and gadgets attached to her. i hardly blame her…if i had a tube stuck down my throat preventing me from talking and needles up my arm, i’d try my hardest to break free! it was so hard for me to be in there, but i kept praying and holding her hand and telling her that i was there and that she’ll be ok. sometimes i wonder why she fights so hard to stay alive. not that i want her to go or anything…not at all…but all the doctor’s are impressed with how much she fights to get better, seeing as she’s already 90 years old. when i stood there holding her hand i wondered what she was thinking about, and what was keeping her going. in any case, i’m so very thankful she made it through and at least for now, she’s ok.

on a brighter note, today’s Halloween parade at the school i work at was quite interesting! we had a bunch of napoleon dynamite’s, oopma loompa’s, and LotR characters! a group in my class were the people from the show, survivor…how creative was that?! they were able to get some material with the survivor logo on it and made tube tops and bandana’s, carried tiki torches, dirtied themselves up with makeup, and even had burnt pieces of papers that served as their votes for who they wanted to kick off. we also had a solar system (my personal favorite! the little boy was dressed all in yellow for the sun and had a hoola hoop around him with all the planet’s around him!) and an osama. yup, that’s right…osama with a bullet wound in his neck. i could’ve sworn he was going to get suspended, but no one seemed to care. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!