I really want to do this. Maybe it'll make it easier for me to scrapbook. There's a lot of things I miss doing, and scrapbooking is one of them. Now, where to find a little inspiration...
Friday, September 30, 2011
For I know the plans I have for you...
"True devotion to Mary takes its rise not from below but from above: not from feelings of affection but from faith. In the first place it means clinging to God and accepting his design...God has willed to associate Mary with his work of salvation...It is not for us to set limits to the divine action or to dispense with the intermediaries God has freely chosen...In God there is room for every kind of superabundance."
- Cardinal Leo Joseph Suenens
taken from Through the Year with Mary (Edmisten)
I have never really thought of myself as the type of person that needs to be in control. On the contrary, I've always considered myself somewhat of an easy going, laisez-faire, go-with-the-flow type of gal. That kind of demeanor has always allowed me to be able to deal with whatever lemons life decided to throw my way.
Recently, however, I've realized that I am much more concerned with my life's outcomes that I previously thought. Perhaps it is my age (do people's lives really go downhill after 30?), my profession (what teacher isn't controlling?), or my status of being newly married (yes, it has been two years, but it's still new to me). It probably also has something to do with certain challenges that have come up in my life as of late. Whatever it is, I have this urgent need to be in the know about what is happening, or what is going to happen, today, this week, this year. I desperately desire to map out a plan for the next 5 years of my life. A plan for what? For life, I suppose. This concept is somewhat foreign to me, and I'm trying really hard to adjust.
What I am slowly starting to realize is that, while it may be all well and good to want to road map my life, I am not leaving room for His plan for me. Where is that supposed to fit in? Are my plans God's plans? Or vice versa?
He has a plan for me. And when I dwell on the fact that things aren't working out as I had planned, when I become bitter about not getting what I want, when I think that life isn't fair because of what I have to go through, I am limiting his plan for me. Not that I want to compare myself to Mother Mary or anything, but what would have happened if she decided to limit His plan for her? Through her acceptance of God's will, the miraculous happened.
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.' (Jeremiah 29:11)
He has a plan for me. And when I dwell on the fact that things aren't working out as I had planned, when I become bitter about not getting what I want, when I think that life isn't fair because of what I have to go through, I am limiting his plan for me. Not that I want to compare myself to Mother Mary or anything, but what would have happened if she decided to limit His plan for her? Through her acceptance of God's will, the miraculous happened.
It's funny how amidst difficult times in my life, I often refer back to my college years when I first realized how much loving and trusting in God was integral to my very livelihood. God's dreams for you are bigger than your own. I remember saying that phrase often back then, and it rings loudly in my ears right now. How easily we forget what's important.
Trust. Acceptance. Faith. Clinging to God and accepting His design. These might be the only things that are keeping me sane at the moment. I don't like not knowing what's ahead of me, and I am having a hard time relinquishing control. Though it is a daily struggle, I will continue to try and work at it. It's not my place to try and limit God's action in my life. In God there is room for the miraculous. That's what I'm praying for.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Weddings
This weekend, one of my best girlfriends from high school will be getting married. I chatted with her on the phone last night, and she was filling me in on all the wedding drama going on, as well exclaiming as her excitement to see how all the planning she has been doing will fit together. She sounded happy, and I couldn't help getting giddy over celebrating with her and all of our friends.
My memories refer back to the day David and I got married -- the happiest day of my life. I know people always say that, but it's true. We promised, before God, to love each other forever. Our family and friends stood by us, promising also to support us throughout our lives. We partied and danced the night away, ending the evening with a song that still makes me smile whenever I hear it --Don't Stop Believin'.
This will be the 4th wedding we will have attended in 2011! There's just something about weddings that is magical. Maybe it's the dressing up part, or the pretty decorations and fancy desserts. Heck, the open bar can cause fireworks on its own! For me, what really sets a wedding apart from all the others is the interaction between the couple. A couple in love doesn't have to act like they're on a show at their wedding. There's no such thing as a bridezilla or groomzilla. There's no fake, plastered smile for pictures, or forced small talk with the guests. The stress of the day cannot be seen on their faces, just love for one another and pure joy. It simply cannot be staged.
People always say that marriage is the end of your life as you know it. For me, marriage has given me a life I could not have imagined. It is not easy, and it is not for the weak. It requires daily effort from both the husband and the wife, and constant prayer. Marriage truly is a sacrament of service. I love being married, and am so happy for all of my dear friends and family who have chosen this path in life.
That is all. I'm done preaching. :)
My memories refer back to the day David and I got married -- the happiest day of my life. I know people always say that, but it's true. We promised, before God, to love each other forever. Our family and friends stood by us, promising also to support us throughout our lives. We partied and danced the night away, ending the evening with a song that still makes me smile whenever I hear it --Don't Stop Believin'.
This will be the 4th wedding we will have attended in 2011! There's just something about weddings that is magical. Maybe it's the dressing up part, or the pretty decorations and fancy desserts. Heck, the open bar can cause fireworks on its own! For me, what really sets a wedding apart from all the others is the interaction between the couple. A couple in love doesn't have to act like they're on a show at their wedding. There's no such thing as a bridezilla or groomzilla. There's no fake, plastered smile for pictures, or forced small talk with the guests. The stress of the day cannot be seen on their faces, just love for one another and pure joy. It simply cannot be staged.
People always say that marriage is the end of your life as you know it. For me, marriage has given me a life I could not have imagined. It is not easy, and it is not for the weak. It requires daily effort from both the husband and the wife, and constant prayer. Marriage truly is a sacrament of service. I love being married, and am so happy for all of my dear friends and family who have chosen this path in life.
That is all. I'm done preaching. :)
Thursday, September 01, 2011
life plans and life lessons
there comes a time in one's life where making plans and looking into the future become inevitable. it's a sign of growing up -- a point in time where one realizes he or she must stop playing games and start getting serious about life. it's only natural.
but then what happens when those plans don't work out the way you want them to? what happens when you try to do things right, so that everything you had planned for yourself happens just the way you had envisioned it? you start to second-guess yourself and begin to wonder whether or not you're on the right path, because it's turning out that this isn't really the path you had planned for to begin with. if you live your life as a good person and try to always do the right thing, why doesn't the right thing work out for you?
it has taken me awhile (a very long while) to begin to come to terms with my present situation in life, but i am getting there. see, i always thought that there was an order to things when one became an adult: college, job, marriage, children. as vain as this may sound, i always figured all these things would come easy to me. so when the children part proved to be much harder than i thought it would be, i felt like a failure -- like all my previous successes meant nothing, because i could not succeed at this. one miscarriage...okay, that was a fluke. two miscarriages...it's probably coincidence. three miscarriages...what did i do to deserve this?
i won't go into the details of what each tragedy, each loss did to my life. i've moved forward, and i am continuing to heal. but in all of the suffering, i have learned a very valuable lesson. i am loved. for this lesson, i will always be grateful.
but then what happens when those plans don't work out the way you want them to? what happens when you try to do things right, so that everything you had planned for yourself happens just the way you had envisioned it? you start to second-guess yourself and begin to wonder whether or not you're on the right path, because it's turning out that this isn't really the path you had planned for to begin with. if you live your life as a good person and try to always do the right thing, why doesn't the right thing work out for you?
it has taken me awhile (a very long while) to begin to come to terms with my present situation in life, but i am getting there. see, i always thought that there was an order to things when one became an adult: college, job, marriage, children. as vain as this may sound, i always figured all these things would come easy to me. so when the children part proved to be much harder than i thought it would be, i felt like a failure -- like all my previous successes meant nothing, because i could not succeed at this. one miscarriage...okay, that was a fluke. two miscarriages...it's probably coincidence. three miscarriages...what did i do to deserve this?
i won't go into the details of what each tragedy, each loss did to my life. i've moved forward, and i am continuing to heal. but in all of the suffering, i have learned a very valuable lesson. i am loved. for this lesson, i will always be grateful.
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