Weddings

This weekend, one of my best girlfriends from high school will be getting married.  I chatted with her on the phone last night, and she was filling me in on all the wedding drama going on, as well exclaiming as her excitement to see how all the planning she has been doing will fit together.  She sounded happy, and I couldn't help getting giddy over celebrating with her and all of our friends.

My memories refer back to the day David and I got married -- the happiest day of my life. I know people always say that, but it's true. We promised, before God, to love each other forever. Our family and friends stood by us, promising also to support us throughout our lives. We partied and danced the night away, ending the evening with a song that still makes me smile whenever I hear it --Don't Stop Believin'. 

This will be the 4th wedding we will have attended in 2011!  There's just something about weddings that is magical.  Maybe it's the dressing up part, or the pretty decorations and fancy desserts.  Heck, the open bar can cause fireworks on its own!  For me, what really sets a wedding apart from all the others is the interaction between the couple.  A couple in love doesn't have to act like they're on a show at their wedding.  There's no such thing as a bridezilla or groomzilla.  There's no fake, plastered smile for pictures, or forced small talk with the guests.  The stress of the day cannot be seen on their faces, just love for one another and pure joy.  It simply cannot be staged.

People always say that marriage is the end of your life as you know it.  For me, marriage has given me a life I could not have imagined.  It is not easy, and it is not for the weak.  It requires daily effort from both the husband and the wife, and constant prayer.  Marriage truly is a sacrament of service.  I love being married, and am so happy for all of my dear friends and family who have chosen this path in life. 

That is all.  I'm done preaching. :)

choices, pt. 2

i choose love.

there could be many reasons why the Lord chose to take our baby away. there could be just one. i don’t know if i'll ever fully understand it, but through the sorrow and tears, there is love. and that is the reason i choose to believe in.

when i married david, i knew i loved him and believed in the vows we made before God. i knew that God chose him to be my soul mate. but it wasn’t until this whole ordeal did i realize why he was chosen for me. david was the only voice i listened to through my tears. he was the only one that made sense. he was the only one who understood what i was going through. he never got tired of how depressed i was; he never made me feel like i should be “over it” already. david was the one who kept reassuring me that our baby was with God, and that one day, God would bless us with the child we wanted. he helped me to realize that choosing to love and trust in God, even when it seemed like God turned His back on us, was essential for us to survive.

i didn’t think it was possible for me to fall deeper in love with david, but i did. and if taking my baby away was God’s way of waking me up and telling me that i needed to choose love over all else, the i can accept what happened. 

i choose love.

choices, pt. 1

it was exactly like how it happened in Marley & Me. in fact, we even joked about it while in the doctor’s office. my mind flashed back to the scene where jennifer and john were at their ultrasound appointment, and the technician began to look troubled as she stared at the screen. it was similar to the look that our own technician had – the “it’s bad news and i don’t know how to break it to you” look. our tech left the office to get the doctor, and at that point, we knew.

the events that transpired next came as a fast-sweeping storm. the doctor confirmed that our little 10-week baby had no heartbeat. i called my mom first, who through her tears kept telling me, “just try again.” then came the business part of it all – calling the school to tell them i wasn’t coming in, texting family members, talking to the doctor’s about what to do next, scheduling an appointment for the D&C. david held my hand the entire time.

i couldn’t sleep the weeks following the procedure. every night i cried myself to sleep. i couldn’t bring myself to go to church, not even on Christmas day. it was too difficult to even utter a simple prayer. this was not what i had chosen for David or myself. it was the first time in my life that i had ever questioned God’s plan and what He had chosen for me.

the turning point came on December 26th. we were having a 4 corners reunion, one that we had been planning for months. i didn’t feel like being there at all and almost came close to not going. i kept texting david, asking him when he was going to come and join us. all i wanted was the comfort of my husband. it was Saturday evening, and we got to church early so that Regina could sing in the choir. as we waited, i tried to figure out excuses not to go to mass. i didn’t think i could handle it, nor did i really want to be there. finally, i confessed to emely, telling her that i just didn’t have it in me. being the supportive friend she always is, she offered me a way out – cupcakes became the excuse. francia came on board and agreed to go on an impromptu cupcake run instead of Sunday mass. it quickly occurred to me that i did not want to be responsible for the potential spiritual setback of my friends, so i told them that i would be ok to attend mass. if i was going to choose between 2 of my dear friends skipping mass, or putting aside my pride and suffering through the mass, i'd choose the latter.

for the entirety of the mass, i cried. my tears would not stop, and even if i wasn’t thinking about anything, the tears continued to flow from my eyes. i chose not to open myself up to God that night in prayer, but somehow the Holy Spirit consumed me in ways i could not understand.

that day was the Feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. in the first reading, Hannah, who is said to be barren, prays to God for a Son. she has a son named Samuel, and she and her husband take him to the temple to be sacrificed to God.

“’I prayed for this child, and the LORD granted my request. Now I, in turn, give him to the LORD; as long as he lives, he shall be dedicated to the LORD.’ Hannah left Samuel there.”

i think that after that mass, my healing process was able to begin.

slow down!

have you ever felt like life was just going way too fast?

my life is literally flashing before my eyes. i swear that christmas was just yesterday, and yet here we are in the middle of february and so much has already happened since then...


my sis, friends, and family threw the most awesome party of my entire life -- david and my engagement party. it was the biggest, baddest surprise i've ever experienced and i enjoyed every minute of it. it makes me emotional every time i step back and realize just how many beautiful people i have in my life. i truly am not that deserving. the party even continued for a few days afterwards as the ol' crew became our first official house guests! though our time together was short, we had some wonderful conversations that took me back to our college days. again and again i was reminded of how God shows me His love through the people around me. we haven't had our house officially blessed by a priest yet, but i felt like after that weekend, our house became a home.

it has been quite the adventure trying to get used to living across the bay and all the other odds and ends that come with having a home. there are new "issues" david and i have come across regarding our home together, and we've been slowly (very...slowly...) working through them all. i never realized how much work a house is! there's just so much more space to take care of, to clean, to maintain!

i took my class on our first big field trip of the year -- our annual state capitol visit. it was a huge trip to plan, but it was so much fun. i had a lot of help, too, as many parents wanted to come along! the kids learned so much from the trip, as did their teacher. last year i wasn't able to enjoy the field trip at all -- i was too busy disciplining kids and making sure none of them escaped from the group. this year was so different. i was able to just sit back and watch as my students soaked in new information about our state government. it made me really look forward to taking them to washington, d.c. later this year.

interestingly enough, wedding planning has taken a back seat to everything else that is going on right now. i know, this is not good. most of our save-the-dates have been sent out lately, though they are a couple months late! our guests will be getting the invitations very soon after the std's...not ideal, but we can't help that now. there's just so much to get done, and everyone has been so nice about offering their help. however, if the bride can't get herself organized, how are people going to be able to help her? i'm so overwhelmed...

but, it's ok. everything will work out. i know it will.

oh, and i went to vegas last month with some fellow coworkers and had a blast! it was so much fun. during that trip i decided to sign up for the avon breast cancer walk in july. at first i wanted to do the sf marathon with david and derrick, but i realized that i do not like running -- especially long distance running. plus, the breast cancer walk is for a great cause! we are walking 52 miles over 2 days...pretty intense, eh? i think it'll be fun, though, and i'm looking forward to getting in shape with all the training we are going to do until then.

i want to say that i'll update soon, but who knows given my recent track record. oh well...until next time, then!

it's been a long time comin'...

my lack of blog posting is a testament to how crazy busy life has been for me these past few months since my bday in late october. crazy busy...but, crazy beautiful.

perhaps the biggest thing that has taken place in our lives thus far is that david and i purchased this:

the front of our house

the back of our house

path leading up to our door (as you can see the houses in front of us aren't even fully built yet)

our neighborhood

we started looking around for a house earlier in the year, found a couple, placed a bid on one, but it fell through. so, we stopped looking for a while. then, partly out of boredom and partly because of the buyer's market in real estate we started looking around again in october. since we didn't have any luck around the penninsula side of the bay, we looked further away towards the east where property was much cheaper, and much newer. around my birthday time we decided to take the steps to purchase a new house that wasn't even finished being built yet, and a month later, the day before thanksgiving, we closed escrow and were the proud owners of a brand new home!

since then things have just moved so fast! we have been moving in our things little by little, buying the essentials here and there, and just simply enjoying being in our own place. sometimes i still can't believe it is truly ours. i never thought we'd be able to have a house like the one we have. it's not a huge place, but it fits us for right now. it's 4 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, and located very close to lots of restaurants and shops. we don't have a backyard, which is the one thing i wish it had, but we do have a small front yard and space on the side of the house for planting. the best part is that we were able to get it for such a great price! everyone was telling us that now is the time to buy, and we're glad we listened.

hmmm, so what else has been going on? well, work has gone by equally as fast! now that can be a good thing and a bad thing! in terms of behavior management with my class, i am having a much easier time this year. i love my students! ok, some days i really dislike them, but in general i love the class i have this year. we definitely have a connection and an understanding between us, and they challenge me in ways that i have not been challenged as a teacher. i have had some of the most amazing conversations with them; they've discussed faith and religion with me in ways that no adult ever has. some days i wish there was a camera in my room to which the world could have a glimpse into how these young people think about their own faith. they desire so much to find truth and understanding -- i preach to them about loving God and they ask me why. they don't just accept what i say. they argue with me, not to annoy me but so that they can seek the truth! it's no longer the generation of just accepting that there is a God because your parents and teachers tell you that there is one. these kids have less and less role models to look up to when it comes to religion and faith, it is no wonder that they question it! so, it is in arguing with them and trying to answer those "why's" that my own faith has been deepened. and it is during those conversations that i realize why i am a teacher.

it's just a few minutes before NYE and come to think of it, i haven't even thought of a new year's resolution for 2009! survive, maybe? oh, 2009 i am not ready for you yet!!! i have our class' washington trip to plan (yes, we are going to D.C. baby!), graduation, oh...and not to mention...MY WEDDING! it's going to be a crazy year! crazy, but oh so beautiful.

i am loved...

by my students, my coworkers, my friends, and my family. i am even loved by the japanese waitress who called me "Duhnnnah" today. i am loved.

today started off like any other ordinary day -- waking up to an alarm that had been snoozing for an hour, showering, making coffee, and getting ready for work. when i got to school, i walked up to my classroom to find the outside of my door decorated so beautifully! a couple of bday elves had been there the evening before to do this for me, and it was probably one of the best gifts i received!

each one of my jr. high classes sang "happy birthday" to me. it was so sweet...and weird hearing it 3 times in a row! they were so well-behaved today, too! they said it was their "present" to me...haha!

Some funny quotes from today...

me: hey, so what are you getting me this year for my birthday?
david: i'm buying you a house...what more do you want from me?!

me: there's no way that no one is coming through the office after school.
student a: that's a double negative, miss h!
student b: give her a break, it's her birthday!

student a: how old are you today, miss h?
me: guess.
student b: 33??
student c: 17??
me: i'm 27...and i'm old. (ms. h makes a sad face)
student d: you're not old, you're young! and beautiful!
me: why, thank you, student d!
student d: you're welcome. can we not have homework tonight?
me: gives student the evil eye

as the day ends on this bday of mine, i reflect upon the events of my life thus far. i've been through a lot, and i know that there is so much more to come than i can ever even try to imagine. i'm actually sad to be entering my late 20's, but i can honestly say that i'm content with where i am in life. sure, i could be thinner, a better teacher, a more faithful servant, and a better fiance...but i know that my imperfections are made whole in God. i'm so thankful to even just be alive.

lots going on with me recently...lots more going on with the double d's. still wishing, and hoping, and praying that all will be answered the way it is supposed to be.

looking forward to this friday's PARTY BUS!

good night.

new beginnings?

the double d's are that much closer to fulfilling their dreams. let's hope everything works out...

prayers, please.

Happy 28th Birthday,

David!

he brings me my favorite lunch...

buys me coffee in the early morning...

grades my papers when i have too many...

takes care of my family in so many ways...

and then some.

what more could one ask for?

(ok, you can stop gagging now!)

happy day of thanks.

the girls and i had a post-thanksgiving dinner yesterday night. the food was delish, and the company of friends was lovely. we had more food than this picture suggests, of course. anyway, i am so grateful for the wonderful friends i have in my life...here in the bay as well as down south. i wish i could have shared a meal with you guys, too.

read about my thanksgiving realizations here.

more pics to follow!


** on a more personal note, david come home! i miss you...

i don't know much, but i know i love you.

i will never forget my 26th birthday.

st. ignatius church. kneeling in front of mother mary and the blessed sacrament. prayer, peace, and family. it was all so wonderfully moving.

david, you are truly the love of my life.

WE’RE ENGAGED!!!

i will write you a song...

10 random reasons why i love you:

1. you work all night long while i am sleeping away, get off your shift as i get ready for work, and still have the energy to drive to where i am and bring me my morning coffee.

2. you always let me have the last piece of food. even when you are still hungry!

3. at the airport, you stand in line for me while i take a seat in front of the tv screens and wait for our plane to depart. not to mention, you (most of the time) graciously let me sit next to the window.

4. if my room gets too messy, you clean it without asking. you even sweep the hair off the floor, and i know you hate doing that.

5. every decision you make involves me, whether i want to be involved or not. you value my opinion.

6. you support my job and the long hours it takes away from "our time."

7. when you gave your coach's speech in front of all those people, you weren't afraid to mention stuff about me.

8. you are concerned for my health. albeit sometimes a little "too" concerned (like when you tried to force me to take an asprin on my plane ride to phils. so that i wouldn't have a blood clot/heart attack?), but concerned nonetheless. like when you vacuumed your newly cleaned carpet because i was getting asthma attacks.

9. you absolutely love making me laugh. and laugh at you, i do. especially when you do the "pop, lock, & drop it" dance. that's my fave.

10. you love my family.

some guys give their girls flowers every day or maybe buy them expensive things...write them poems or songs or take them out to nice dinners. but for me, i'd give up romance for #10 any time...

i love you.

I don't know how to make lots of money

I got debts that I'm trying to pay

I can't buy you nice things, like big diamond rings

But that don't mean much anyway

I can't give you the house you've been dreaming

If I could I would build it alone

I'd be out there all day, just hammering away

Make us a place of our own

I will write you a song

That's how you'll know that my love is still strong

I will write you a song

And you'll know from this song that I just can't go on without you

I don't know that I'd make a good soldier

I don't believe in being violent and cruel

I don't know how to fight, but I'll draw blood tonight

If somebody tries hurting you

I will write you a song

That's how you'll know that my love is still strong

I will write you a song

And you'll know from this song that I just can't go on without you

Now that it's out on the table

Both of us knew all along

I've got your loving and you've got my song

I don't know how to make lots of money

I don't know all the right things to do

I can't say where we'll go, but the one thing I know

Is how to be a good man to you

Until I die that's what I'll do

I will write you a song

That's how you'll know that my love is still strong

I will write you a song

And you'll know from this song that I just can't go on without you

it is summer, isn't it?

today i woke up at 10am and didn't get out of my pajamas (or take a shower, for that matter) until 7pm to get ready for church. you may be thinking that i had a lazy day, which i most certainly did not. the whole time i was working on my dad's souvenir program, which is really starting to stress me out. i've been working on it a lot yet i feel like i've made very little progress. on top of it all i have my dad who is even more stressed out than i am, breathing down my neck to see where i'm at with the project. ay nako.

the only thing that's giving me a bit of sanity is that we're leaving for BEGAS (aka, vegas) tomorrow! and we rollin' 18 deep, too. it's gonna be craaazy. but what's a dioneda family vacation without a bit of crazy? i can remember the last time we all were together on vacation together...they came down for my graduation 3 years ago and then we drove to vegas. before then, we took a trip to the east coast...now that, was crazy. try walking the streets of ny with 20 people in your group, half of them under the age of 18. luckily, most of us are over 21 now. i'm really excited...

i started the memory keeper's daughter a few days ago and am just beginning to get immersed into the story. it's about this woman who gives birth to twins; her husband delivers them and discovers that one of the babies has down syndrome, so he gives her away to the nurse who is ordered to drop off the baby at an institution (it's 1965, that's what they did with "abnormal" kids back then). the nurse ends up raising the daughter on her own. crazy. just the way i like it.

on a side note, i feel accomplished in the world of scrapbooking. i finished the scrapbook i was working on; i used ali edwards' everyday beauty kit and since it's a small book i had an easy time with the layouts. i dedicated it to my lola, and it is filled with pics of my cousins. i may decide to scan some of them and put them up. anyway, just waiting on some cj's to come my way...





** david wants us to buy grillz instead of rings. filled with diamonds. and engraved with a date. oh, what has the bay area done to my boyfriend?!?!

look who has a new camera!!!

david bought himself a Nikon D70s. we picked it up from the post office today. he's pretty excited about it. he thinks he's a professional photographer now. ;)

buzz.

busy bee this weekend. check out the sched.

saturday:
10-12pm science fair
12-3pm working
3-whenevs bbq for j's going away party

sunday:
9-12pm open house & then some
12:30-5:30 basketball games galore
8pm church



i have to remember to put in a request for vacation in march/april. do we even have that? i'm really super excited about my trip to the philippines. more of my cousins are going, and if my bro gets on the ball with his passport then he'll go, too. not all of my cousins are going though. well, at least they're not sure. we're workin on it. can't wait to see my family again. and i can't believe it's been almost a year since my lola's passing. and what a year it has been.

david's preparing to take his nclex on monday. lots of stress and anxiety around these parts. but if you knew what passing this test meant -- to him, and to us -- you'd be stressed and anxious, too.

if you're looking to watch a movie this weekend, watch FREEDOM WRITERS. coaches watch COACH CARTER, football players watch RUDY, females in the service watch G.I. JANE, cleaning ladies watch MAID IN MANHATTAN, old single people watch 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN...

and teachers watch FREEDOM WRITERS.

in a perfect world, this movie would be true. oh, wait a minute! it's a true story! =) that's right, folks...it really happened. and it means that stuff like that really happens. one day, i hope to make that much of a difference.