For I know the plans I have for you...

"True devotion to Mary takes its rise not from below but from above: not from feelings of affection but from faith.  In the first place it means clinging to God and accepting his design...God has willed to associate Mary with his work of salvation...It is not for us to set limits to the divine action or to dispense with the intermediaries God has freely chosen...In God there is room for every kind of superabundance."

- Cardinal Leo Joseph Suenens

taken from Through the Year with Mary (Edmisten)

I have never really thought of myself as the type of person that needs to be in control.  On the contrary, I've always considered myself somewhat of an easy going, laisez-faire, go-with-the-flow type of gal.  That kind of demeanor has always allowed me to be able to deal with whatever lemons life decided to throw my way.  

Recently, however, I've realized that I am much more concerned with my life's outcomes that I previously thought.  Perhaps it is my age (do people's lives really go downhill after 30?), my profession (what teacher isn't controlling?), or my status of being newly married (yes, it has been two years, but it's still new to me).  It probably also has something to do with certain challenges that have come up in my life as of late.  Whatever it is, I have this urgent need to be in the know about what is happening, or what is going to happen, today, this week, this year.  I desperately desire to map out a plan for the next 5 years of my life.  A plan for what?  For life, I suppose.  This concept is somewhat foreign to me, and I'm trying really hard to adjust.  

What I am slowly starting to realize is that, while it may be all well and good to want to road map my life, I am not leaving room for His plan for me.  Where is that supposed to fit in?  Are my plans God's plans?  Or vice versa? 

'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.' (Jeremiah 29:11)

He has a plan for me.  And when I dwell on the fact that things aren't working out as I had planned, when I become bitter about not getting what I want, when I think that life isn't fair because of what I have to go through, I am limiting his plan for me.  Not that I want to compare myself to Mother Mary or anything, but what would have happened if she decided to limit His plan for her?  Through her acceptance of God's will, the miraculous happened.

It's funny how amidst difficult times in my life, I often refer back to my college years when I first realized how much loving and trusting in God was integral to my very livelihood.  God's dreams for you are bigger than your own.  I remember saying that phrase often back then, and it rings loudly in my ears right now.  How easily we forget what's important.

Trust.  Acceptance.  Faith.  Clinging to God and accepting His design.  These might be the only things that are keeping me sane at the moment.  I don't like not knowing what's ahead of me, and I am having a hard time relinquishing control.  Though it is a daily struggle, I will continue to try and work at it.  It's not my place to try and limit God's action in my life.  In God there is room for the miraculous.  That's what I'm praying for.

come and follow me, i will bring you home

a couple days ago i posted about meeting with my parish's young adult group. well, we met today and it was quite interesting! see, when the lady from the church contacted me, i assumed she simply wanted to point me in the direction of the YA group so that i could be a member. after further conversations and emails, i got the feeling that she wanted to be more than a member. boy, was i right.

i came to the meeting not knowing what to expect, but i told god in my prayers that i would be open to wherever he wanted to take me, as long as he would be there to help. the lady introduced me to the core group of YA's, and we all had a mini faith sharing about where we came from, who we are, and where our relationship with god was. towards the end of the meeting, she proposed that i be the "leader" or advisor to the group. i was truly taken aback! she had no idea who i was...she only knew that i had a bit of "experience" with YA's, yet she trusted me enough to be an advisor?!

after she left the meeting and i was alone with the core group, i confessed to them that all i wanted to do was join and be a member. however, if they needed me to be more than that, i would definitely be open to it. i told them that i would do whatever they wanted me to do, because all i wanted was to serve. i had a flashback to last sunday when father mentioned in his homily that we should all take life as it comes. deal with what god gives you, and have faith that all will turn out ok. i tried to keep this in mind during our conversations, because i really started to get scared. i am afraid to take on so much responsibility so fast...i'm afraid to have these people depend on me to lead them. i guess it's that fear that helped me realized i was doing the right thing. when i was chosen to be a leader in liwanag, i was afraid. the person who chose me told me that if i wasn't afraid, then it wasn't meant to be.

since i've moved back i've always been searching for a way back to the church. i've been wanting to be more than just a sunday church goer. i always felt like he was calling me toward something, but i didn't know what. i'm not entirely sure if this is it, but i'm rolling with it.

i'm going to have to dig up the binders and email my resources (ahem, kirs and fran and angie) to help me remember all the stuff we used to do. i even mentioned to them my affiliations with log, audience, and dwtl, and they already want to do a socal trip to get ideas and more inspiration! i really hope my socal peeps would be willing to help me out on this one.... ;) they also have had no exposure to praise music! (i know! what a tragedy!) i'm hoping to especially help out in this department.

in liwanag, we'd always tell our members that our mission was to spread light to those in darkness. how easily we sometimes forget about this mission when we graduate and move on in our lives. i know i forgot...and quickly. maybe i wasn't ready to do it all again a couple years ago. who knows if i'm ready now? i certainly am not sure...but what i am sure of is that i trust god. if this is what he wants from me, i'll do my best to oblige.

so right now i'd like to ask you all for prayers -- prayers for the group and prayers for myself, that we do what is right in the eyes of God, and that we take our inspiration from the Holy Spirit. i've gotten through many difficult and challenging times due largely in part to the prayers of those i love, and i hope this time is no different.

an early start...

to summer '08!

what's on the (tentative) itinerary for this weekend? well, let's see!

• thursday evening - drive down to southern california. one white truck. 5 squished passengers. 2 flying into lax. ETA: 2am.


• friday - disneyland, baby. haven't seen you for about 3 years...oh, how i've missed thee!


• saturday - visit mesa court and tour the area. drive around irvine and get my cousin acquainted with the usual eateries and hang-out spots.


• saturday afternoon/evening - sprit rally!


• saturday evening - *secret*


• sunday - mass at the 'faith. drive back up to northern california. ETA: 8pm.

in case you didn't know, my cousin, stephanie, got accepted into UCI! :) she's planning on entering the school of engineering as a civil engineer. last weekend she flew down with my sis and took a day trip to uci during wayzgoose. she loved it and came home very excited. i'm hoping to gently push her into liwanag and get her in early -- you know, before all the others. hey, she's free to make her own decisions, but it may help to steer her in the right direction. :D i'd feel so much better about her being so far away if she was in the right hands.

anyway, the plan is for her sib's to come along with us. my sister and her bf will meet us there since they have travel benefits and can basically fly wherever they want. should be a fun road trip if everything works out.

anyone else going to rally?

my dear LOG alumni,

REMEMBER WHEN...

...we used to stay at Interfaith 'till 2 o'clock in the morning?
...we would sing praise songs 'till our voices gave out?
...our arms and legs would get tired from all the "roll over the oceans" and "it's you, it's you it's you who builds community"?
...delirium would sink in after the 100th time of rehearsing the skit?
...the tshirts weren't ready until the day of?
...everything seemed to go wrong until the doors opened and everything fell right into its place?

i certainly do! well, it's that time of year, folks...LOG Spirit Rally is literally just around the corner and our beloved Lighters need OUR HELP. "what do they need us to do?" you might be asking yourself. is it money? is it food? in actuality, what they need is something that one cannot put a price on...they need us.

let's rally ourselves together and support Liwanag in this year's spirit rally...

"Taste and See"
Saturday, April 28th
Crystal Cove Auditorium, UCI Student Center
doors open @ 2:30pm, rally begins @ 3:00pm
minimum donation: $5

it has been a while, hasn't it? let's reconnect and catch up, alums! they need our support, and we need to show them that we still care about our ever-growing family.

it would be so refreshing to see everyone again! so, bring your bf's and gf's, your family and friends, your babies, husbands, and wives. bring everyone you know and visit the school and the family that was once so much a part of your lives.

will i see you there?