slow down!

have you ever felt like life was just going way too fast?

my life is literally flashing before my eyes. i swear that christmas was just yesterday, and yet here we are in the middle of february and so much has already happened since then...


my sis, friends, and family threw the most awesome party of my entire life -- david and my engagement party. it was the biggest, baddest surprise i've ever experienced and i enjoyed every minute of it. it makes me emotional every time i step back and realize just how many beautiful people i have in my life. i truly am not that deserving. the party even continued for a few days afterwards as the ol' crew became our first official house guests! though our time together was short, we had some wonderful conversations that took me back to our college days. again and again i was reminded of how God shows me His love through the people around me. we haven't had our house officially blessed by a priest yet, but i felt like after that weekend, our house became a home.

it has been quite the adventure trying to get used to living across the bay and all the other odds and ends that come with having a home. there are new "issues" david and i have come across regarding our home together, and we've been slowly (very...slowly...) working through them all. i never realized how much work a house is! there's just so much more space to take care of, to clean, to maintain!

i took my class on our first big field trip of the year -- our annual state capitol visit. it was a huge trip to plan, but it was so much fun. i had a lot of help, too, as many parents wanted to come along! the kids learned so much from the trip, as did their teacher. last year i wasn't able to enjoy the field trip at all -- i was too busy disciplining kids and making sure none of them escaped from the group. this year was so different. i was able to just sit back and watch as my students soaked in new information about our state government. it made me really look forward to taking them to washington, d.c. later this year.

interestingly enough, wedding planning has taken a back seat to everything else that is going on right now. i know, this is not good. most of our save-the-dates have been sent out lately, though they are a couple months late! our guests will be getting the invitations very soon after the std's...not ideal, but we can't help that now. there's just so much to get done, and everyone has been so nice about offering their help. however, if the bride can't get herself organized, how are people going to be able to help her? i'm so overwhelmed...

but, it's ok. everything will work out. i know it will.

oh, and i went to vegas last month with some fellow coworkers and had a blast! it was so much fun. during that trip i decided to sign up for the avon breast cancer walk in july. at first i wanted to do the sf marathon with david and derrick, but i realized that i do not like running -- especially long distance running. plus, the breast cancer walk is for a great cause! we are walking 52 miles over 2 days...pretty intense, eh? i think it'll be fun, though, and i'm looking forward to getting in shape with all the training we are going to do until then.

i want to say that i'll update soon, but who knows given my recent track record. oh well...until next time, then!

it's been a long time comin'...

my lack of blog posting is a testament to how crazy busy life has been for me these past few months since my bday in late october. crazy busy...but, crazy beautiful.

perhaps the biggest thing that has taken place in our lives thus far is that david and i purchased this:

the front of our house

the back of our house

path leading up to our door (as you can see the houses in front of us aren't even fully built yet)

our neighborhood

we started looking around for a house earlier in the year, found a couple, placed a bid on one, but it fell through. so, we stopped looking for a while. then, partly out of boredom and partly because of the buyer's market in real estate we started looking around again in october. since we didn't have any luck around the penninsula side of the bay, we looked further away towards the east where property was much cheaper, and much newer. around my birthday time we decided to take the steps to purchase a new house that wasn't even finished being built yet, and a month later, the day before thanksgiving, we closed escrow and were the proud owners of a brand new home!

since then things have just moved so fast! we have been moving in our things little by little, buying the essentials here and there, and just simply enjoying being in our own place. sometimes i still can't believe it is truly ours. i never thought we'd be able to have a house like the one we have. it's not a huge place, but it fits us for right now. it's 4 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, and located very close to lots of restaurants and shops. we don't have a backyard, which is the one thing i wish it had, but we do have a small front yard and space on the side of the house for planting. the best part is that we were able to get it for such a great price! everyone was telling us that now is the time to buy, and we're glad we listened.

hmmm, so what else has been going on? well, work has gone by equally as fast! now that can be a good thing and a bad thing! in terms of behavior management with my class, i am having a much easier time this year. i love my students! ok, some days i really dislike them, but in general i love the class i have this year. we definitely have a connection and an understanding between us, and they challenge me in ways that i have not been challenged as a teacher. i have had some of the most amazing conversations with them; they've discussed faith and religion with me in ways that no adult ever has. some days i wish there was a camera in my room to which the world could have a glimpse into how these young people think about their own faith. they desire so much to find truth and understanding -- i preach to them about loving God and they ask me why. they don't just accept what i say. they argue with me, not to annoy me but so that they can seek the truth! it's no longer the generation of just accepting that there is a God because your parents and teachers tell you that there is one. these kids have less and less role models to look up to when it comes to religion and faith, it is no wonder that they question it! so, it is in arguing with them and trying to answer those "why's" that my own faith has been deepened. and it is during those conversations that i realize why i am a teacher.

it's just a few minutes before NYE and come to think of it, i haven't even thought of a new year's resolution for 2009! survive, maybe? oh, 2009 i am not ready for you yet!!! i have our class' washington trip to plan (yes, we are going to D.C. baby!), graduation, oh...and not to mention...MY WEDDING! it's going to be a crazy year! crazy, but oh so beautiful.

i am loved...

by my students, my coworkers, my friends, and my family. i am even loved by the japanese waitress who called me "Duhnnnah" today. i am loved.

today started off like any other ordinary day -- waking up to an alarm that had been snoozing for an hour, showering, making coffee, and getting ready for work. when i got to school, i walked up to my classroom to find the outside of my door decorated so beautifully! a couple of bday elves had been there the evening before to do this for me, and it was probably one of the best gifts i received!

each one of my jr. high classes sang "happy birthday" to me. it was so sweet...and weird hearing it 3 times in a row! they were so well-behaved today, too! they said it was their "present" to me...haha!

Some funny quotes from today...

me: hey, so what are you getting me this year for my birthday?
david: i'm buying you a house...what more do you want from me?!

me: there's no way that no one is coming through the office after school.
student a: that's a double negative, miss h!
student b: give her a break, it's her birthday!

student a: how old are you today, miss h?
me: guess.
student b: 33??
student c: 17??
me: i'm 27...and i'm old. (ms. h makes a sad face)
student d: you're not old, you're young! and beautiful!
me: why, thank you, student d!
student d: you're welcome. can we not have homework tonight?
me: gives student the evil eye

as the day ends on this bday of mine, i reflect upon the events of my life thus far. i've been through a lot, and i know that there is so much more to come than i can ever even try to imagine. i'm actually sad to be entering my late 20's, but i can honestly say that i'm content with where i am in life. sure, i could be thinner, a better teacher, a more faithful servant, and a better fiance...but i know that my imperfections are made whole in God. i'm so thankful to even just be alive.

lots going on with me recently...lots more going on with the double d's. still wishing, and hoping, and praying that all will be answered the way it is supposed to be.

looking forward to this friday's PARTY BUS!

good night.

the power of prayer

recently there have been lots of people i know who have been going through some rough times. my heart goes out to them...how i wish i lived closer so that i could be there for them in their time of need. i hope they know that there are so many people out there praying for them and sending love their way. things will get better...they always do.

my students asked me recently why God allows bad things to happen. i didn't really have a straight answer for them, but instead asked them how anyone would know what true joy felt like unless they first felt pain and sorrow. how could we ever know what love is if we first do not experience heartache? how can we know life unless there is death?

praying for you, my friends.

so it began

as you can see, i've jumped on the bandwagon following people who have been changing their blog templates. i was ready for a change, and i think i like it.

3 weeks ago we started back up with school, hence, the blogging hiatus. it has seriously been non-stop since day 1. my year looks promising; i have a new position in school, am getting closer to all the teachers, and have a class that is drastically different than their predecessors. while i have to deal with the usual chattiness and rolling of eyes you get in any 8th grade classroom, the disrespect does not go further than that. they are easy to get along with, higher performing academically, and trustworthy. i took them to mass this morning to attend a funeral for a custodian that used to work at our school, and i was actually able to pray and be fully present during the celebration. last year, my eyes darted about during mass, and i could usually be seen walking up and down the aisle making sure the students weren't using their cell phones, touching themselves, or laughing inappropriately. all in all, i say it's going to be a great year. busy, but great.

oh, we're also going to washington, d.c.! as a supplement to our goverment and civics curriculum, the students will be visiting the white house and several monuments around d.c. 36 catholic school tweens running around on the other side of the country on their first trip away from mommy and daddy...i'm scared. we'll be going in may, a week before graduation, a month before my wedding. it's going to be interesting!

aside from the happenings of being a teacher, there are a few more updates in this life of mine:

• our YA meeting was postponed due to venue issues, but is now back on and set for 9/27. prayers are much needed and appreciated!
• i started dancing for Te Mau Tamari'i A Tiare/Na Kamali'i A Kiele along with my cousins and siblings. there are 7 of us in the family who dance together, and it has been a lot of fun! it's more difficult than i thought it would be, but i enjoy the challenge.
• david and the cousins joined an asian basketball league. they have games every sunday. unfortunately, their record isn't very good, but they are definitely improving every week!
• david's nephew, charles, turned 2! the party was fun -- lots of kids and vietnamese food/people. he's more engaging now and at a very fun age.
• i went on my first cruise ever a week before school started. i had the time of my life!

if i remember and/or have some time, i'll try and upload some visuals of the past couple events. i'm so bad with pictures! (even though i love posing for them...haha!)

top 10 signs summer is ending...

10. fall clothes are displayed in stores

9. the cousins start a mad reading dash in order to finish their summer reading

8. you start to see commercials for the beginnings of new seasons for your favorite shows

7. the fog starts to roll in earlier and leave later (in daly city, of course)

6. there are less good movies being shown in theatres

5. your principal starts emailing like crazy

4. you start to train yourself to sleep by a normal hour, instead of 3 or 4 in the morning

3. the family just now starts talking about taking a summer trip. this summer

2. no more friends are planning to visit the bay area

1. you start having nightmares about the next school year

last night i had a bad dream. it was the first day of school, and when i walked into my classroom i saw the same students from last year sitting in shiny desks. there was one new addition to the class, a boy that i knew from high school who used to be so mean and sarcastic to the students and teachers back then. i ran downstairs with my "resignation" paper in hand, desperately searching for the principal. when i finally find him and hand him the paper, he refuses to accept it and i am forced to go back upstairs and face my new "old" class. instead, i try to run out of the school, but can't escape.

i seriously woke up sweating.

***

once again, i had a great, adventurous weekend. more to come later!

whirlwind

the past few weeks have been somewhat of a whirlwind for me, and i think i am just now beginning to let my feet come back to earth.

the first major thing that took place was graduation. i survived my first 8th grade graduation with minimal setbacks and almost no drama. did everything turn out well? absolutely. was it perfect? absolutely not, but i will work on nearing perfection in the years to come. did i accomplish everything i set out do do this school year? no, but my main goal was to simply survive, and that i did. they say that a class like the one i had this past year only comes along once in a blue moon. well, in all humbleness i would like to say that i paid my dues and i deserve a break for at least 5 years until my next challenging class walks through my door. ok, maybe 3 years...but still. at least i know next year's class coming up will be somewhat a breath of fresh air for me. i've already had them for one period this past year and know them pretty well. they're a lot calmer, more respectful, but albeit kind of nerdy. and, i mean that in the most endearing way. we'll see if they stay the same once the school year starts.

what other things have consumed my life these past few weeks? well, my cousin had a baby! we have a new baby boy in our family (pictures to come!) and everyone is excited. the cousins, david, and i have been into playing monops (our term for monopoly, of course) and rock band until 5 in the morning. i'm trying to get into the habit of working out and am thoroughly enjoying the workout classes at the gym. and, perhaps the most apparent thing taking up my time nowadays is the wedding. oh, this summer is turning out to AWESOME!

some things to look forward to in the next few weeks:

• visits from socal friends
• visits to socal friends
• birthday's galore
• girlfriend cruise to mexico
• getting ready for next school year
• ...and more wedding stuff

stay tuned for my next blog entry: random factoids about me! i was tagged by one of my dear friends....I MISS YOU, GIRL! chrystal said she saw you at the gary v concert...just singing away to his songs! i totally could picture you in my mind!!!

breakthrough

and here goes another teaching story...

student: if someone makes fun of me i'm just going to make fun of them back. i've tried everything to stop making fun of people and losing my temper. i tried hitting the wall, i've tried screaming into my pillow, i've tried ignoring the person, i've tried it all and nothing works.

teacher: have you tried prayer?

our principal gave my class a talk today about the bullying that has been going on among the students, especially this week since we've been back. i was totally fed up with what was going on, nothing was working, and things seemed to be getting worse. after the principal left the room, i shut the door to my classroom and opened the floor for students to make comments about the bullying -- no holds barred. i explained (demanded, rather) that all of us were going to lay it out on the table right then and there, addressing each other directly by name.

and, that they did. specific people were called out for being bullies, being pushovers, starting rumors, being mean, and everything else. the ones being bullied confessed their intimidation and fears of speaking up in class. the ones doing the bullying accused others of trying to be "perfect" and gave warnings that high school would be 10 times worse. we've all been bullied somehow. are we just supposed to take it? if we don't dish it out, someone else will just walk over us. why are some people such big babies about it? why don't you stop when you see it hurts me? why do you roll your eyes everytime i open my mouth in class? why did you start that rumor? why? soon thereafter, the tears started to flow from a couple people. then, the teacher aide in my classroom bravely told the class about her experience of actually being a bully in 8th grade. she shared a pretty deep story. by the end of it all, there was not a dry eye in my classroom, and i was biting my lip in order to hold my composure.

my kids continued to share stories like you wouldn't believe. everyone had a chance to speak, and they spoke from the heart. the comments that some of my students made allowed me to understand them so much better than i did before. i was literally shaking to my core the entire time -- that and praying that God would inspire me with words that would help my students deepen their faith and their relationship with others. we ended our conversation in prayer, and everyone went around and prayed for at least one other person in the class. most of my students issued their apologies to whom they have hurt.

when we broke off for recess, one of the yard duty people came to me and said, "what the heck did you do to those kids?" i looked at her, smiled, and asked, "why?" she the told me that all my students -- all 38 of them -- were playing in one big group, hugging each other and just hanging out. the boys weren't playing basketball, the girls weren't practicing their cheerleading, they were just hanging out as one.

i'm realistic enough to know that this euphoric sensation will probably wear off before we even get through our spelling test tomorrow morning. however, i think that more than a few of them are changed for good. and i think all of them now realize that they can change, that they have the power to stop the cycle, and that prayer really does work miracles.

i don't think their classroom behavior will get much better. they're still going to be talkative, they're still going to fool around and try to get away with anything they can. but their behavior towards each other had taken an upward turn. and i'll take that over anything else.

to my faithful blog readers...

i would just like to apologize for my 2-post rampage/venting about the stuff i've been having to deal with lately. you just wouldn't believe the year i've been having. however, i really shouldn't complain. after all, i couldn't wish for any more support than i already have. your thoughts and prayers mean the world to me, and they are what truly gets me through these hurdles. thank you for being so understanding.

sadly, i "gave up" emotionally on my kids this week. i was short-tempered, negative, and not understanding. they sure did notice the change -- quite a few of my 39 tweens asked if i was giving up on the class. without giving them a verbal answer, i think they already knew. today after school i found 2 notes. one was in my mailbox, and it was a letter from my teacher aide.

you are the Lord's instrument. He needs you to be there fore these kids.

it had a prayer card in it with a "teacher's prayer" on the back. the second note i found sitting on my keyboard when i walked back up to my classroom after dismissal.

please keep being as patient and as caring as you are and our class will eventually come around.

i feel like i shouldn't have given up so quickly. the good thing is that after hitting rock bottom (at least, i hope that was rock bottom! any further and i'd be in you-know-where!) the only direction to go is up. it's not going to get easier, but i think i'm going to get stronger.

thanks for the messages, kj.

the last straw.

what a day.

one of my students lied to me -- straight to my face. later on in the day, i questioned him on a different matter, just because at this point my trust in him was gone. it turned out the second time around he actually was telling the truth. so what does he do? goes home and tells mommy and daddy that his teacher is picking on him. does he mention the fact that he lied to me beforehand? of course not. now, i'm getting nasty emails from the parents and threats about losing my job.

give me a fucking break.

if the Lord is testing me, i think i've had ENOUGH.

in the desert

one of my students emailed me a very sad email. after reading the message, i really had to take a couple moments to just breathe. i think it was my erratic behavior today as a teacher that caused this student to email me. then again, it can also be seen as one of those reminders God gives you every now and then.

tuesday is our day to go to morning mass during lent. everything seemed to go smoothly while there early. except for a few misbehaving students in the back row, most of my class was too sleepy to even expend energy to fool around. until communion, that is. i don't know about you, but i think it's pretty obvious that while lining up preparing to receive, one does not engage in full on conversations with the people around you. you would think that years and years of catholic education would teach you this -- but i guess they forgot about that this morning. i had to "shoosh" them in front of the entire congregation (which was only about 15 people, but still). i then had students that found something amusing after receiving the body of Christ. what could be so amusing at this point, i have no clue. my mother used to tell me that if i laughed during church or while praying the rosary, that meant that the devil was playing with me. if this is true, then the devil must have been having a field day today. to top it all off, i had students that all of a sudden stopped before going into the row, held up the traffic behind them and created what could only be described as a 15 car pile up next to the pews -- all while others were trying to genuinely pray after receiving Jesus. i simply had to stand and stare. i was livid.

the rest of the day followed suit. imagine standing in front of your class, trying to teach a lesson, when 2-3 pairs of students are trying to have their own conversation. i don't let them get away with this (or at least, i try not to), so i start to give them nonverbal/verbal warnings, and i end up having to stop 5 times in any given 10 minute interval. this is pretty much our everyday, but today just seemed worse. by the end of the day, it took all i had in me to not run out of my class. honestly, i consider myself a pretty strong teacher and a pretty strong person. today, they seemed to beat me.

so, my student emails me and lets me know that she's sad about how our class is not improving. she desires so much to do the kinds of fun activities i did with my classes last year. my students that transferred to my present school after our other one closed have told this set of students that i used to be different. i was nicer, i didn't yell, and i was more interesting. and i would bet that if you walked into my classroom nowadays, you would not recognize the b*tch that i have become. is it the fault of my students? some would say yes. but at the end of the day, don't i always have control over what i say, what i do, and the teacher that i am to even the "worst" of kids?

i've tried being the old miss h., giving my kids small freedoms and laughing with them about silly stories and stuff we read in books or see on tv. i think the old miss h. does shine sometimes. but i revert back to the monster i've become when my students talk back to me, or when i hear my students trying to get out of trouble by using me in front of other personnel and saying "but, miss h. lets us _______!!!" the other teachers say that they know the students are lying, but i can see the judgement in their eyes. i'd like to see them last not even a day in my shoes.

in short, i have spend 10% of my time this year doing what i love -- teaching, and the other 90% of the time disciplining. i know that this is not what teaching will be year after year. and i know that i will get better as i put a few more years under my belt. sometimes, though, when you've spent so much time in the desert, it's difficult to continue to hope for rain.

okay already!

well, you convinced me. here i am taking some time out of my not-so-busy saturday afternoon to re-enter the blogging world. i do have to say that i've been wanting to blog so badly -- for the past month to be exact. there have been so many things happening in my life. finding the time to write them down is another story.

the holiday season was wonderful! we had the usual dioneda family gatherings, with an added member -- david. this was the first christmas he spent with us and away from his family, and it felt nice to have him there. my vertigo woes put a bit of a dent into the fun, but i got over it and for now, i'm all good.

work has been...interesting. let's see here -- one fight, two suspensions, week-long detentions, sudden headaches, upset parents, recommendations, transcripts and failing students. i think that just about sums it all up.

wedding planning is now fully underway. i was issued a gag order the month of my engagement from my soon-to-be husband so that we could enjoy our engagement before the craziness begins. already this year we've been to 2 bridal shows and numerous venues. i even had a quick consultation with my wedding consultant, francia. i'll be starting a wedding blog soon to record all our adventures during the process! after all, not everyone (including david... ;P) wants to read about wedding this wedding that all day long.

the fam is getting ready for our yearly trek to the philippines. so excited about this. david and his mom have decided to come with, and i am sure it is an experience we will all remember. i love the philippines so much and am truly blessed to be able to go again. luckily, my principal let me take a few days off from school! he was hesitant but recognizes how many hours i work on a daily basis and said that i deserved a break. i'm scared, though. the last time i called in sick the class got all their cell phones taken away and were threatened to have their sacramento trip cancelled.

so, those are just a few highlights of what's been up with me lately. and now, for some photos!







i have more pictures to post but they're on the other CD. stay tuned! :)

am i crazy?

it's columbus day. we have the day off. the weather outside is beautiful...in the upper 70's and that's HOT for the bay area.

and i'm correcting papers in my classroom.

save me...

did you know...

that i'm really thankful for YOU being in my life?

when i blog about my teaching experiences i'm mostly just venting and trying to organize the thoughts running around in my head. i try to use it as a method of figuring out my next plan of action. but i think i get so much more out of sharing, because all of YOU are so supportive and encouraging. you really give me the energy to keep going, keep trying, and i am so thankful for that.

every day is a different day...different experiences and situations. some days are better than others, but all in all i believe that things are looking up. well, if they're not looking up they're certainly not getting worse as of this moment. i'll check back in in a few weeks...then we shall see.

for now, i wanted to share something that was shown to us during my most recent seminar.


be enlightened...

that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger.

doubt. it can be a very evil thing.

when i was hired last school year for my current position at my new school, they already warned me about my class. one of the first things they asked during the interview was about my behavioral strategies and how i dealt with "unruly" kids. i was so sure of my skills as a teacher at that time. after all, i apparently did such a good job that my old school wanted to promote me. and if could handle a class of 20 with little effort, surely a class of 39 middle school angels wouldn't be too difficult.

enter class of '08. the beginning of this school year has been probably the most challenging time i've ever had in my entire life. my class is full of pubescent energy and tween chattyness. when the boys are putting eachother in headlocks in the back of the classroom, girls are passing notes and trying to text on their phones, a small group of students are having an eraser war with one another, a handful of students are reading silently trying to drown out the constant noise of their peers, and yet another small handful are staring at me with their big eyes that seem to say, "get me out of here, please."

are they "bad" students? no. are they malicious? not by any standards. they are simply a class that likes to goof off, and have been allowed to for a long time. word on the street is that they even made a teacher quit in october. some would even say they're driving me down that same road, and i'd be lying if i said that wasn't true.

so right now i am trying to find the delicate balance of being the fun and ecstatic teacher i was last year, to the disciplinarian teacher everyone is saying i should be this year. i used to put my students into groups at least once a day, and have class instruction out in the sun once a week. we'd play all types of learning games, and have very meaningful discussions about real life matters every chance we'd get. so far, i've attemted playing 3 games this year and each time i had to stop it early due to misbehavior. what does work? silent seat work. yuck. there's nothing i hate more than silent seat work...it's boring for the students AND for their teacher! but this is what has had to have been added to our daily routine. so sad...

what's worse is the pressure i feel from others. parents expecting me to change their children into silent & attentive students, older teachers looking at me as the "new teacher who doesn't have her class under control", and students pushing me to my very limits. but the worst pressure is that which comes from myself. i try so hard to come up with new ideas and ways of "controling" their behaviors. my mind is constantly thinking of what i need to do next, how to react to student a, b, and c, and whether or not i'm doing a good job. to be honest, i don't really know if i'm cutting it.

i am faced with a daily struggle of providing a learning environment in which all students can thrive...and my few triumphs come in the small things. i have to always remind myself that God chose me to be here, and i just hope that one day i find out why and that i can prove to Him that He made the right choice. until then, i'm going to have to just keep going.

i ask for prayers, and for the strength and wisdom to teach with love. no matter what the cost.

overwhelmed.

i finished packing up the rest of my stuff in my old classroom today. i was lazy to finish cleaning my classroom out right after school because i was just so anxious to start my vacation. since then, i've spent a week in socal and a week in vegas. i'll also be in socal this weekend for my dad's association's (CAUSA) party. tomorrow i'm going to bring all my stuff to my new classroom...my new school. stopped by there today, and this is what i found:

* tons of teaching resources
* multiple supplies (something i was lacking at my previous school)
* a thick layer of dust along all the bookshelves and files
* file cabinet drawers filled to the brim with lessons and units
* old & faded posters on the walls and bulletin boards
* miscellaneous desk decorations, none of which i particularly like

it's only my second year teaching and so i am still fairly new to the game. i'm not sure what to do because a part of me wants to sweep out everything from the classroom and just start anew. that's what i did last year (although there wasn't too much to sweep out) but it's just soooo much work to do for just one year! what if i don't end up staying at this school? and i'm the kind of person where my environment has to fit me and be comfortable. i don't know how comfortable i'll be with other people's stuff around...stuff that i really don't want to use.

oh well, such is the life of a teacher. i'll figure it out. right now i'm just a bit overwhelmed with the whole thing.

however, i'm also very excited for some other stuff coming up! i'm teaching 8th grade religion next year in addition to other subjects, and i'm sooo looking forward to it. so much you can do with 8th graders and faith. i'm also excited for this and this. summer '07 is proving to be very exhilarating thus far.

all star game was today. pretty exciting that it took place in the bay...i kinda wanted to go and party tonight with all the fans. too bad barry didn't hit any homers...ichiro's was pretty cool, though.

VEGAS was truly amazing. =) my cousin, pj, who turned 21 last friday, my bro, and my other cousins were pretty much drunk the whole time we were there. fyi - flying home after drinking all night and not sleeping is not a good idea. i had to navigate my 18-person group through the las vegas airport, check them all in at the counter, and get them through security. it took us almost an hour. by then, my hangover caught up with me. in the air, i was nauseous and throwing up the whole time. good thing i was sitting next to strangers...

i'll post pic's later...




* by the way, i'm having the same problem that gian is having...it won't let me post any titles! so weird...

the end of the line...

well, tomorrow is the day. the last day, in fact, that our school will ever be open. it's going to be bittersweet tomorrow -- although i am ecstatic that the year has ended and i can enjoy my summer, i'm really going to miss my kids. many have told me that i become way too attached to the kids that i work with -- not only during this job but my last job as a behavioral therapist. but really, how can one not become attached? i talk to these children about God and Jesus and Mary and struggles and relationships and life every single day. i share my life's journey with them in hopes that they will be inspired. i am open with them as they are with me. how can one not become attached? teaching is not just a job...it's a vocation, a calling. and in a world where people have become so utterly detached from each other, not only in the workplace but in all areas of interaction, a little closeness wouldn't hurt.

i read dr. seuss' oh, the places you'll go! to my class last friday and struggled to hold back the tears. i hope they couldn't tell. my favorite line in the book: kid, you'll move mountains.

* * *

i had a bit of a confrontation with my "boss" today. he became upset at me for dedicating a page in the yearbook to our former principal, even after i told him that it came from the kids, themselves. he didn't believe me. he then proceed to blame her for the closing of our school. he also said there were others more "worthy" of the dedication page. i sincerely hope he wasn't talking about himself, because that would be a joke. talk about being a shepherd.

i've never despised anyone as much as i despise him. and that is saying a lot.

so, i pray for him as we all are called to pray for our enemies. i have tried to bite my tongue and hold it in for the past 6 months, but i'm afraid that this last day is tempting me to explode in fury if he comes up to me again. please pray for me. and pray that i don't lose it in front of the kids. be a leader, dee...love your enemies.

God help me.

blessed with a burden

it's official. we're closing.

just a few weeks ago i remember writing an entry about our school surviving, jumping over the hurdle and triumphing over adversity. they told us that there simply weren't enough students that committed to the school and paid their registration, bringing our total number of students to 82 instead of the 110 that we needed to open our doors for next year.

the interim principal and our pastor broke the news to us friday afternoon. the kids and their families received word from a letter in the mail on saturday, and the parish was informed on sunday. i walked into school on tuesday morning, and already, there were tears in their eyes. some needed to ask me for themselves, as if hearing my answer would make it real to them.

the principals from surrounding schools came and visited that afternoon to sign our kids up for what little spaces they had left. because of our students, many of the schools in our area are now maxed out at 40 students per class. when i looked around the hall, i saw parents crying as they thumbed through parent/student handbooks and signed registration. some even approached me and asked where i was going before they made their decision.

when i introduced myself to the other principals, they all held my hand or gave me a hug and expressed their sympathy for what was going on in our community. but, it was the kids that really needed the support. instead of graduating with the peers they've known since kindergarten, they now must get to know an entirely new class and do their best to fit in.

our school's name means "mother of sorrows," and as one parent so eloquently expressed to me, our mother mary is, once again, sacrificing her own school -- her own children -- so that other schools may thrive and flourish. i told my students that they have been blessed with the burden of staying strong and faithful in the midst of all this confusion and chaos. i don't know if they understand now, but i believe one day, they will.

on a brighter note, i did already find a position at another school. praise God for that. i'll be an 8th grade homeroom teacher next year, still handling language arts for junior high. i'm disappointed that i won't be able to try out the duties of vice principal, though. looks like that dream is gonna have to be put on hold...at least for a little while.


i'm reading a new book that i just started today.

so far it has been real intruiging, and sometimes scary. i was reading in the living room and had to transfer to where david was because some of the scenes gave me chills.

i'm only into the first quarter of the book so far. already i feel as if the challenges of my community and the problems i face daily are trivial.

On the Road...

it has been almost two years since i made the move back to the bay -- a change in my life that i was weary of, yet ready for. and as i reflect back on what a journey it has been, i am awestruck at the unfolding of His plans for me.

how am i to prepare for tomorrow?

reflect back on yesterday and today...

in the days of yore when i used to live in socal, being a faithful Catholic was easy. it was not devoid of challenges and heartaches, persay, but it was definitely easier to get through life's darkest moments because of what/whom i was surrounded by. sunday's were dedicated to serving at the Holy Mass -- singing, leading, minstering in the highest form of praise possible. if i ever needed to be refreshed in my faith, i had tuesday meetings. felt the need to be with Him? midnight trips to the blessed sacrament were frequent and always with people who understood my need to just be in His presence. the people...how strong the relationships built upon Christ's love really are!

i always talk about how things are so different here. i find myself struggling to go to mass every week. friends are not as readily available to talk to about daily crosses, which seem to be quite a bit heavier nowadays. my tuesday nights are usually spent watching american idol. and yet, as i prepare to conduct our school's prayer service tomorrow morning, i begin to see again the unfolding of His intricate plan.

the road to emmaus...

the story is about how Jesus' friends were not able to recognize Him and He was right in front of their faces the entire time. they walked on the road with Him, chatted a bit, He taught them a thing or two about scripture, and they still could not see. it was not until "He had been made known to them in the breaking of the bread" that their eyes were opened.

it's not as easy for me now to be a faithful servant without all the spiritual ammenities being readily available at my disposal. but i suppose that's the whole point -- being able to recognize Him in everything that i do, all that i say, each person that i meet, the students that i teach. He has been walking on the road with me the entire time. my eyes have just chosen not to see...

for whatever reason, i have been fearful and hesitant to fully let my spiritual leadership side show in front of the entire community, and i know that this can no longer be. this is what i was born for.

do you want to know my most favorite part of the day was today? seeing the kindergarteners, 1st, and 2nd graders lead the rosary with poise, confidence, and child-like spirit. they were the teachers today. the face of God can be no more apparent than in the face of a child.

please pray for our prayer service tomorrow. if log peeps were there they'd be able to sing along with our praises: Open the Eyes, Holy Is His Name, One Bread One Body, & God of Wonders. pray that i have the courage to lead through my actions and my words, and that the children will find the courage to open their eyes and hearts to Him.

May they recognize Him in the breaking of the bread.

for i know the plans i have for you...

i signed.

...my contract, that is! it is official -- i am remaining at my school for the '07-'08 school year. after much deliberation, consultation, worrying, meditation and prayer i arrived at my decision and i am happy with it. i know that come next year it may be more than i can handle, but this is my path and i'm gonna live it up....

as a VICE PRINCIPAL! =) and a teacher, of course! i'm moving up with my class, so i'll teach 7th grade as well as carry out duties as vp. i'm so excited for this next step in my professional career and am anxious as to what it will bring. and, i am thankful. i know i don't deserve it and that i cannot do it alone...i'm gonna try my best to take a back seat and let Him do the driving.

i told my kids the news and they screamed and cheered. one of them grabbed a tissue because she said she was going to cry! another humble affirmation that this is where i'm supposed to be.

* * *

random thoughts:

- can't wait for this weekend.
- got my Everyday Beauty album by AE from CK and am dying to start.
- i love my CD's from the Phils. especially these two:

















- i have a pile of "to be graded" papers about 3 ft. high.
- didn't know the labels for blogger posts have to be separated by a comma. duh, dee.
- so ready for rally.
- trying to finish my CJ! sorry, babysitters!
- need to post pics from Phils.
- summer is coming so fast...vegas, anyone?